~ WITCH

原谅

2012-01-03T10:38:00.000+08:00

是我小气吗？我想我承认了。。

以前我说。。要当我朋友不简单，因为我很严格的 – 我对朋友的标准很高。
现在我说，其实是我小气，不容易原谅朋友吧。。
我不容易生朋友的气，但如果踩到我地雷了，我想我很难原谅。应该要过很久很久才能原谅吧。到那时，我想这段友谊原谅了，也只是个形式罢了 – 为避免我以后不小心在路上碰到的那尴尬场面。

当然，没有谁需要我的原谅。我只想原谅我自己。

好久了。。

2011-11-28T15:23:00.002+08:00

有多久了。。距离我最后一次在这里打打字、说说话。这里，还有人吗？

工作稳定了，我终于找到了我想要的工作。。谢谢老天爷。。 :)

只是。。是我老了，还是工作压力大了？以前有根白头发我就会抓狂，现在有三根，我却习以为常。我老得还真~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 快~~~~~~~~~ 哈哈！

真的老了。。打几个字。。我已经累了。。

什么都没有

2011-09-20T15:25:00.001+08:00

在你所在
呼吸你所呼吸
看你所看
听你所听
那天，我问自己：
“当真爱输给了时间、输给了善变、输给了现实。。真爱还剩什么？什么都没有。。”

真爱，屈服了吗？是没办法，只好输。
真爱，可以征服一切？是童话，现实可没这回事。

在你所在，但回忆给不了温度。
呼吸你所呼吸，但现实的空气很稀薄。
看你所看，但我们都只看见变化。
听你所听，但我们都听不见心说的。

在乎谁比较多

2011-08-05T15:09:00.007+08:00

一个人，在喧闹的街上。好吵，但心里却是如此寂寞。可以在朋友面前假装，但开怀的笑声和爱笑的眼睛就在他们的一不留神，失去踪影。她的眼神总是漂到远方，而思绪飞得更远。

她不喜欢在生活里找寻任何可以联想到他的人事物，但这似乎已变成了个习惯。
她不喜欢在空闲的时候就想起过去，但常常都不自禁。

一个人，在孤寂的公司里。好静，但她脑海却是如此起伏不定。不需要对谁说话，她不想开口，就这样也好。少说少错少是非；没有和谁要好，就没有在乎，没有起伏的心情，没有复杂的人事物。她，越来越像他了。

他一个人，故意不说话、故意不在乎、故意冷漠。他想只在乎自己就好，爱自己最重要，别人真的都无所谓。

他的笑声背后，也有他想保护的人，他在乎的人。
他的寂寞背后，也想要有个依靠，有个听他说话，陪他吃饭的人。

这些都是真的，只有不在乎是装的。

如果真的不在乎，他就不会静静地守在她身边。
如果真的不在乎，他就不会在意她的心情。
如果真的不在乎，他就不会介意她身边有谁谁谁。
如果真的不在乎，他就不会试探她对他的感觉。
如果真的不在乎，他就会和她在一起。

在乎，是在乎谁比较多，不仅仅是在乎而已。

没关系，这。。都已经过去了。。

my new job

2011-06-23T14:20:00.003+08:00

i resigned without a job, thinking that i can probably get a long break. meanwhile, i did continue to send out my resumes once a while.

anyway, lucky me. i managed to eventually, which means forsaking my family genting trip (they set off today!!), let alone the Japan trip which we were talking about. i felt bad actually, coz we were all so eager to finalize the trip asap.

but anyway, i am happy that i got a job! here's my company:

my position starts off as a contract staff. i think that's the norm now, coz employer wants to see if you can work. in my personal opinion, if you can't, probably they can say contract's up instead of highlighting to you that your performance sux. HAHA! but of course, there are cases where the company is indeed unable to get a headcount or that they only require someone in for a specific period of time to clear some stuff.

oh well, im not really that bothered. if they are not converting me to permanent staff, then probably i can take my long break then.. rest a while.. hehe!

even though i sincerely prefer employee engagement / relations than staring at numbers alone every single day, i think i am comfortable. i got a very caring and nice boss, who will always remind me not to work OT (because i will be required to work OT for Sep & Oct. so she is trying to minimise my OT now). and i got nice HR colleagues too. people from other departments, not so sure, since i dont really get to interact with them.

my job scope is so different from what i used to be doing for the past 7 years. back then in my previous 3 companies, there were always alot of humane work to be done like talking to HODs / employees, coordination and liaising work. i am liked, most of them on the phone or watsnot.

but now, i am facing tonnes of spreadsheets everyday. i am either flooded with words or numbers - choose one. right now, is more of doing consolidation rather than analysing data. i wish my boss teaches me the analysing part like now? but she prefers me to take things at a time - pick up the foundation first, understand the organisation departments and positions, what they do, etc and from there, try to build up my mental skills in analysing.

i guess im just the impatient sort, who wants to fly before i even learn how to crawl. i cant stand myself not knowing things (how it works, etc) i ought to know for my role. i simply wana know everything! LOL

ok, anyway, God bless me for my job~

farewell Moya~

2011-05-30T13:35:00.003+08:00

this is it, my last day of service in Moya. And Daniel was saying I am not valuing what I have now by choosing to leave - the colleagues, my fave Boss, and the ever-so-cosy environment. Seriously, no thrashing, no scoldings, no arguments, no bad feelings. hmmm.. somehow is amazing how this can be done. all along i thought that Sanford is the only place but Moya proves me wrong. But of course, Sanford people will remain as friends, but for Moya, probably just a few will and not all.

sad feeling? so far not yet and I hope not. but somehow im very worried about going to my new company. in fact, i have ever thought of backing out. haha! prolly coz is due to the totally new job scope that I will be undertaking that stirs up so much unrest within myself.

oh ya, did i mention... i actually found myself a job. the interview came right before i went on leave for my exams preparation and i was offered after that weekend. so finally i managed to leave coz I found myself a job, and to be exact, it is a job that I have been looking for. so I am really glad.

this familiar sentence..

2011-05-07T16:24:00.003+08:00

"If you are not happy working in your new company, you can come back straight away. Just say that I said so." 3 years ago, I heard this sentence from my old boss a few times when I resigned.

Just yesterday, I heard the almost-the-same sentence from my current boss. As quoted almost exactly - "If your deal with the new company doesnt get thru, you come back. (short pause) Even if your deal with the new company gets thru but you are not happy working there, you come back."

I guess I am lucky, very very lucky, to have such nice bosses. They are always offering me a role if I ever return to the company. Or were they commenting it plainly coz they know I will definitely not return? LOL

I remembered the first time I blogged about my current company was liked 2 years ago when I first joined them. Subsequently, scolding the people in there occasionally thru this blog coz I do have unreasonable colleagues there (actually only one). And now the time has come, and I need to go. I havent found a new job yet. HAHA!

In fact, people could not comprehend the reason for my resignation, may they be my ex-colleagues, my current colleagues, my family, etc. Probably let me do some sharing here.

1) My boss actually dotes on me alot, and i really mean as ALOT. We do have our fair share of arguments initially coz he is still trying to adapt to our Asian culture, etc. He does pass hurting remarks to me previously. But all those have passed. Now, he is really nice to me and he leaves me to do the tasks, and well, he doesnt scold me anymore and is always giving me ample freedom on both my work and personal matters, eg my studies. My boss is so flexible that he always allow me to go on 3 weeks leave for my studies, (probably a mixture of half and full day leave), and my colleagues will always try their best not to disturb me during this period). And since Mar 2011, my boss has been trying ways to talk me out into leaving. LOL

2) My colleagues are superb. HAHA! probably due to the fact that I been in there for 2 years, i share good working relationship with even the most difficult pax (in my pov). My colleagues are always there for me when I need their help or advice. Not once have they turned me down when I ask for help. I have colleagues who share laughter and jokes with, colleagues who listen to my woes, colleagues who care.. Despite being just the very few of us, we work hand-in-hand, helping each other wherever we can. Super nice~ :)

3) And so, you should have guessed, I dont like to be micro-managed, and the people in my company do not micro-manage AT ALL. This is the best out of everything. :)

4) Working location is only a 20 - 30 mins bus journey. Nuff said.

And it is definitely not due to salary, coz my boss had proposed a figure which I think, I am going to disrupt the internal equity if I accepted it. My brother called me a fool, a very stupid fool. And the key reason why I want to resign?

Coz I feel that I have been handling too much admin stuff and very less of HR, which I really dont like. Daniel commented that I handle admin matters very well. Ermm, for a moment, I was thinking if I should take that as a compliment. I should be handling HR matters and not admin matters. I could not be having a career switch simply coz the company requires me to do so. Boss actually has other things in mind that he wants me to handle if I stay on, not exactly admin but definitely not HR. And wow, I would then have 2 pax reporting to me, and I probably just need to delegate and oversee and shake leg. HAHAHAHA! But that is not what I want. The company is not accountable for my career but I am. Probably a few years later, I might have regretted my decision coz the company has moved itself into a very good shape and is earning big bucks, getting good bonuses.. I would leave that to later even though I am almost sure that I usually dont regret my decisions.

So why am I resigning without a job? Coz it is so difficult to get a job that I truly want, a job that offers me the learning ground in the expertise I want to go into, so that both the company and I grow together. And since it is so difficult to get the job I truly want, I would probably go for some vacation, get a very good rest before I move on or while I leisurely look for a job. While I can, while I have no commitment, this is the time for me to be jobless, with nothing to worry about. HAHA!

It is definitely a struggle. Not easy to find a job with good boss and good colleagues.. Haizz.. And that's why I am upset. I dont like to change job, seriously.

伤害

2011-03-21T00:42:00.001+08:00

有一种伤害，看不见，又或许被视而不见；不知觉地在心里划下一道又一道的伤痕。
等哪天被发现的时候，已经是伤痕累累、已经无法修补。
曾经的沉沦，如果可以，谁不想早点醒来、谁不想摆脱预料中的伤害？
因为来不及，因为对你的那份爱，在我发现的时候，已经根深蒂固。
所以我让自己受到伤害了，所以我让自己继续沉沦了。

我们之间的微笑背后，是什么？
是一份无法相爱的沉默？还是只剩下我自作多情的一份执著？

如果可以的话

2010-12-15T16:37:00.000+08:00

如果可以的话，我想牵你的手。
如果可以的话，我想和你聊到天亮。
如果可以的话，我不想不理你。
如果可以的话，我不想生气你。

如果可以的话，我希望我们之间存有信任。
如果可以的话，我希望自己别这么在意你。
如果可以的话，我希望你比现在更在意我。

如果可以的话。。我想爱你一辈子。
如果可以的话。。或许。。我们不该相遇。

a happier me then

2010-11-22T01:25:00.002+08:00

i was "revising" my blog and the time reads 1.25am now!! totally engrossed in the past-me. LOL

i guessed i was happier then. or is it just that i bothered recording down all my happy times here? nowadays, happy times will come with pics which will be uploaded in Facebook. so who really cares about blogging now? Xiaxue, maybe. LOL

in Nov 2010 itself, i thought i was almost on a roller coaster for the whole month, and now i am getting off (coz it is coming to the end of the month soon?). no more roller-coaster rides for me because everything ended. in the midst of my exams WTF. i think i might have been cursed~ LOL

anyway, i think i concealed well and i am so going to adopt the practice of "smile-and-let-everyone-forget-about-it". seriously, i dont think i am going to say anything more after this entry. LOL

i flashed back all the Novs for my past years, and i started comparing. i gathered coz they are all memories, so they dont hurt me at all when i read thru the entries. but well, there is nothing upsetting in those entries.

i used to be happier then. i havent been feeling really happy for almost a month. i cant stand myself feeling sad for 1 day, let alone 1 month. LOL~ it was always a 50-50 happiness kind of thingy, and i got tired of it, i guess. my tiredness wears out sooner than expected when the happiness level takes a downturn and eventually reached negative. so my mind echoed, is time to stop all these and force myself to move on. i love forcing myself to do things, which i think are rational. is that good or bad? u tell me, i am totally clueless.

anyway, having seen my previous entries and concluding that i was happier then, i am much more determined to return myself a happier me now. yes, i ought to love myself more. i believe i am worth more than i think i am. life is not over without you, life moves on..

being an angelic me (always), i am sure i will be able to face you again, re-pick our friendship and allow you to keep me as your good friend, so that you wont feel empty. i seriously cant bear the thought of leaving you in emptiness. so please, give me some time. :)

(not like he knows my blog address, but well.. just a promise to myself. HAHA!)

郑中基 - 答应不爱你

2010-11-21T23:32:00.003+08:00

郑中基 - 答应不爱你

明明爱很清晰却又接受分离
我只剩思念的权利
难过还来不及爱早已融入呼吸
不存在的存在心底
虽然很努力练习着忘记
我的心却还没答应可以放弃了你
真的对不起答应了你不再爱你
我却还没答应我自己
明明爱很清晰却要接受分离
我只剩思念的权利
难过还来不及就让爱融入空气
不存在的存在心底
说好要忘记偏偏又想起
原来我的心还没有答应放弃了你
真的对不起虽然曾经答应了你
我却还没答应我自己
却又如何真的不爱你

that same damn feeling

2010-11-09T13:20:00.003+08:00

i hate this feeling. im caught in the same plight again, if not worse.

the same damn feeling of..
what if we move on from here? NO ANSWER.
then can we move on from here first and see what happen? NO ANSWER.
so do you think we should move on from here? NO ANSWER.

SO BLOODY HELL WHAT NOW??!! i seriously dont like the idea of moving on from here when i cant even see the path. it is not liked i cant see the end of the road, it is worse. I CANT EVEN SEE WHAT I AM WALKING ON.. is it stones? fire? or cushion?

i know it is impossible to drop any promise but at least, let me know what will happen.
how can you expect me to simply follow..? :'(

totally different yet similar

2010-10-17T16:16:00.003+08:00

we talked about fashion; you are liked my best ger frenz and we can share thoughts about the dressing of people. we discuss, we crap, we joke and we laugh. we even mock and get disgusted together.

we talked about work; you are liked my best advisor who practically know what i am thinking. you usher me to see a single matter in different lights, to give people the benefit of doubts, and most importantly, not to stress myself out due to work.

for some things, you nod your head obligingly, listening.
for some things, you try to prove me wrong, so that i know i can be wrong too.
for some things, you read out your thoughts to me, reminding me that there is always a second thought.
for some things, you keep quiet because you know i am not in the state of mind to listen.

for some things, we laughed out loud together.

i see an opposite of me in you - totally different yet similar.

it is liked a jigsaw puzzle, with all different pieces.. yet they form a beautiful picture at the end :)

i never know..

2010-08-31T20:46:00.003+08:00

it is a weird feeling.

i never know that i can fall for the same person all over again when the new day comes.

i never know that there are so much things i want to share with a person every single day.

............. until i met you.

The Feeling That Triggers..

2010-05-01T19:35:00.003+08:00

i am finally back with W.O.R.D.S.. *lolZ*'

always have an urge to blog but somehow laziness prevails. hurhur..

just wondering.. when you leave your job, what is it that triggers you?

is it because you got outcasted by your colleagues?

your workload is overwhelming till you cant breathe?

you feel injustice because Colleague A is apparently doing less work than you but getting a higher pay?

you have other plans for your future, so you have no choice but to resign?

you wana move out of your comfort zone and gain greater exposure?

for higher salaries, better benefits, or career advancement?

or... YOU JUST FEEL TIRED WITH EVERYTHING?!

i like to know why people resign.. and the above are some that I had heard of or felt of personally. seriously, i wont wana believe some people actually resign coz of their impulsive-ness. so far, i hadnt meet one. even though i am always complaining and is definitely compelled to resign, but the feeling that triggers me to tender has yet to surface..

the innerself feeling that tells me,"is time to move on.." has yet to surface.. even though handling the so-called management level is really a chore. i dont know why they are there at that level when their efficiency and good management skills are not there at all. you always see them shooting out arrows and ducking arrows, not forgetting that they have the capabilities to reverse the routes of the arrows they had ducked successfully. wOo~ impressed~

despite such facts, i still feel that it is not the time yet for me to move on. i know how to live with their styles and adapt to it.. sometimes they are nice, sometimes they are not. but well, humans wat~ all lidat de lor..

there are still so many things to learn (self-learning, i mean) and pick up to make me a more worthwhile employee to my next employer (you are in lucK!).

as I asked my frenz, "what have you picked up from your current job that makes you marketable to your next employer?".. my mind was simply overflown with all the possible answers i can give. yet, my frenz replied me, "nothing.." i hope she was too tired to think. give some thoughts about this question, i think it is an ultra-common question interviewer will ask.

i believe that when that feeling eventually triggers you, you will be so determined to leave the company it surprises you!

叮噹 - 你為什麼說謊

2010-04-01T12:52:00.007+08:00

叮噹 - 你為什麼說謊

这次我走开再没有话要说出来
我不想再期待走下去还能多精彩
我不了解你怎能心安
也抓不住你的倔强
可是我知道你为什么说谎

你说你还在一分一秒也没走开
我想留在这里可是这一切已太晚
我不能再像从前一样
为我们的明天疯狂
你不必解释你为什么说谎

你不能说我没有爱过说我没等过难过
我也想说也许能重来我却还是沉默
你一直问我的心到底在不在
问我怎能不遗憾就丢失了爱
而我的泪怎么就流下来

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~!!

2010-02-19T16:19:00.004+08:00

nth special for me tis yr except tat i won ard S$200 - S$300 at the gambling table. ya, i do social gambling. *lolZ*

have you ever come across a stranger who is especially nice? it makes me so hard to forget when a stranger did something nice to me.

went for a Sat class the wkend b4 cny, and the kind soul sitting besides me actually went to print out 3 sets of the lecture powerpoint notes during breaktime, coz the 3 of us didnt print it. we didnt talk to each other b4 tat, we didnt ask for his help, we didnt even know he was going to print out the notes.. in short, we simply mind our own biz. haha! yeah, tis very nice guy printed and passed the notes to us, sayin tat he printed extra.. HOW CAN IT BE??!! he must have printed them for us!!! caught me reli offguarded~

i insisted to pay him but all he said is, "never mind.. dun worry.. is ok.. i need the notes anyway.." WAH BIANGZ~ WHY SO NICE!! i seriously dun think Singaporeans can be nice strangers, you know. happily, i met one. he must be those not yet polluted by the cruel reality. haha!

anyway, GONG XI FA CAI~!! wishing all of ya out there a good year ahead and enjoy!!

疤痕

2010-01-20T15:04:00.001+08:00

我想，每个人身上的某个地方一定会有疤痕吧，而每个疤痕也一定会唤醒一份属于它的故事。疤痕不是刺青，它的形成并不能如你所欲；它不是艺术，没有美观可言。刺青的存在，是你决定的；但疤痕的存在，扑朔迷离。

身上的疤痕不多（豆豆所结下的疤痕不算!!），我所能想起的。。只有三个吧~ 嗯，不对。。有四个、五个。。怎么越算越多啊!! 哈哈！

话说回来，我甚至连它们何时定居的次序都能排列出来。厉害吧~

小时候我很爱站在离锅不远的位置看妈妈煮菜。是想学还是想吃，我也记不得了。
有一次，在毫无警告下，一颗比红豆还大的热油像手榴弹似地“掉落”在我左手弯上。之后当然就是一颗颗比红豆还大的眼泪直流啦~

当它还在复原期间，我被某人撞倒了。除了血流不止，我还泪流不止嘞！可恶！！
就这样，那道疤痕定居了下来。除了是最久的“居民”，它还是最显眼、最大颗、最搞不懂为什么长这个样子的疤痕。你可看过圆的疤痕么？嘿嘿嘿。。

在我右边的眼皮上，也有个很小很细微的一线疤。常常在想，我的双眼皮，一线疤是不是也有功劳？哈哈！那是我在转玩具的时候，被架子的一角割伤的。当时真吓坏了；差那么一丁点，我就瞎了。

有好几次，我都以为我的眼睛不保了。但那几次，我都是因为那“一丁点”而保住了我双眼。谢谢老天爷！！！！

大圆疤和一线疤（突然它们竟有了名字！）都是意外；不能如我所欲，没有美观可言，当然也不是我想要的。

扑朔迷离在此的用意，即将揭晓。

左手腕下，有着几痕的小疤。在同个位置反复地划，不让它有机会复原的结果是，疤痕；就算很留意也未必看得到，就算看得到也未必看得出。没有人看得出它前世的样子。。除了我。看它一次，想他一次。。也仅仅一次而已。但在心里，这几痕的小疤，不仅是几痕、不仅是小疤；而是一道很深很深、这辈子也无法完全愈合的疤痕。

tis is so random

2010-01-05T14:47:00.008+08:00

Random Matter #1

i am beginning to love elvin ng's blog. it just feels so right.. as if he knows what i was thinking and unable to express correctly. haha!

Random Matter #2

i dont know why verryn is so interested in Angela Zhang for no reasons, good reasons there must be. every now and then, she is telling me,

“姑姑，我要看那个。。我不想死的~不想懂得~”

Me: (应该是“不想舍得”。。 (-_-"").. )

“姑姑，还有那个Barbie Doll 的。”

Me: (那是 Angela Zhang - 爱上爱的味道)

then she will randomly click around those mtvs when one is finished.

verryn very engrossed in her world of MTVs~

still very engrossed..

i think the day will come when she loves Angela Zhang more than i do. haha!

Random Matter #3

the BigBoard calendar has re-surfaced again~!!

Random Matter #4

i am sure you can make out that this is a bouquet of flowers. haha! self-drawn by yours truly. it was an any-old-how-impromptu sketch when i was feeling bored yesterday, and then i realized.. i may have a gift for drawing~!! what do ya think? haha! oh anyway, the word "Cinderella" is just as impromptu la~ *lolZ*

Random Matter #5

many a time, i was rather held back to post random pics into my facebook. guess ah bu was right to say that, when you post into facebook, many people can see it and it is very public. so people may pass off judgment remarks to you. e.g. i almost posted my wallet into facebook simply coz i was overjoyed~

then it set me pondering each time i wana post a pic. i dont think anyone cares.. but i guess, i value my privacy hell too much? haha! :p

happy new year!!

2010-01-02T00:12:00.003+08:00

happy new year to all of ya~

how has your past year been? have you been enjoying yourself so much so that you wish it just gets more this year? or it has been rather bad that you wish a new year will be a better one? whatever it is, i am pretty sure everyone of us, being on the greedy side, will wish for a better year, no matter what~

every new year signifies that life has continued for you (be thankful) and it is time to mark the new beginning and carve out brand new memory for the year.

received my 1st birthday present this year. ermm.. my birthday is still liked.. 10 days away? *lolZ* and also receive my 1st date for the birthday. at least something great to make me look forward to my birthday? to say the truth, i am not in the least looking forward to my birthday this year. sometimes i wish i dont have a birthday, coz it seems more like a 'burden' to me.

my past birthdays were not fantastic but at least it showed that my frenz are doing something. the usual stuff, ya know, that makes me feel that it is just a routine. but nonetheless, i appreciated it all :D

oh well, here you go.. my first birthday present :D

can you make out what it is? hehe! a glass figurine of Donald Duck, one of my fave Disney chars!! (i hate mickey and minnie btw).. Thanks God it is not a Crystal Piano.. haha!

verryn kept commenting she likes it alot and want to take a picture with it. *lolZ*

my 1st branded

2009-12-25T14:20:00.002+08:00

TA-DAAAAA~!!

I AM A HAPPY GER~!! hahahhaa!!

people who have known me for years, are definitely surprised~!! coz im not de kind who hankers after branded goods and spending a few hundreds buck for one such item is simply insanity!! oh well.. i used to think tat way but perhaps im changing?? BAD~!!

after so many yrs of working and studyin.. i think i ought to reward myself. what de.. juz another excuse! haha! went for a 2nd visits to the Gucci boutiques (Taka, Paragon, DFS) and finally got myself the wallet tat i had eyed for earlier. but there is only 8 card slots.. i want a small-sized wallet but i want many card slots as well.. so contradicting~

what the hell is UniSIM thinking?

2009-12-22T09:21:00.003+08:00

got back my results last week and shockingly, I fared pretty well~!! Please refer below!! WAHAHAHAHA!!

but i am pretty pissed with the way UniSIM handles their course. is hell ridiculous lorrr~!! i missed out just a TMA (Tutor-Marked Assignment) for COR157 Speaking with Confidence and they actually withdrew me from the course!! What the heck!! first, they don't inform us that we are supposed to attend the classes coz it is STRONGLY tied to our TMA. then after which, they simply withdraw me from the course despite my conscientious efforts in finishing up other TMAs. Now i know, the next time i can't make it for my TMA, i will go and get myself an MC and righfully claim a make-up chance for the TMA, instead of being frank with my lecturer.

Anyway, on a positive side (like i always do), the grade for this module is not going to be fantastic, so i think it is a blessing that they withdrew me from this module, just in case it affects my GPA. but then again, it means spending more money and time :'(

就别太早认定啦~！

2009-11-26T23:10:00.001+08:00

原来，我也有幼稚的时候。我想，只要是往后看，都会觉得自己以前的想法很幼稚吧。

是幼稚吗？因为“幼稚”听起来还满可爱的。哈哈！

一直嚷着“成长”是怎么一回事；我好像在这里写过了两大篇作文。

只想告诉自己。。

看似成长或许非成长；而认定那非成长的也未必非成长。

看似失败或许非失败；而认定那非失败的也未必非失败。

看似珍贵或许非珍贵；而认定那非珍贵的也未必非珍贵。

看似不幸或许非不幸；而认定那非不幸的也未必非不幸。

而当然，看似我错的或许也不完全是我的错；而认定那都是我错的人。。我想。。那个人也错了。

you are a damn *******

2009-11-10T18:24:00.004+08:00

i really hate to blog in here with all the cursing and swearing directing at 1 person but i guess this f**king asshole is indeed irritating the shit out of me!!

seriously, i dont think i am that important or that great enough to be rewarded handsomely. but neither do i think that i am worth less than a piece of shit such that you can slam it anywhere, anyhow and simply dont care about how i feel~!!

shrinking from responsibility and pushing it to ALL OTHERS but not yourself is a downright horrible example that a human being should never display. alright, i guess many people do that. but surely not when you twist and turn the facts and started scolding people for things that they are definitely not in the wrong?

i hate that f**king expression on your face; it resembles a bastard from another land.
if you think there is no ground for negotiation, then you are definitely not fit to be a human being. i am not asking for the impossible, or rather i am stating reasonable facts for you to reconsider. i definitely know your reasons for rejecting. YOU JUST WANT TO GAIN MORE AND MORE CREDITS. stop giving me that friendly smile, that confident tone, and the wonderful picture you paint to everyone. they may buy your game but not for long coz your heart is so evil, your acts are so despicable, people will start realizing it and hate you for the plastic mask that you have been wearing. it will look even more plastic that it is now. DAMN YOU!

i am giving you a kind reminder, i am trying to do what i can within my means and if even that stops you from appreciating me, then i guess there is only money that we can talk about. i am staying and you are definitely not listed in the 1001 reasons for my stay. so many times i really feel like throwing the letter right into your face and tell you to find someone more capable, if you think i am worth a cent less that what you are paying for.

my conscience is clear. i am worth 99% more than what you are paying for.

you damn bastard. stop provoking me. i swear i will start a war with you if you try again, even though i know i will lose BUT THAT IS NOT GOING TO STOP ME!! it just goes to show how much i am starting to dislike you. you are another bastard i feel like scolding... BASTARD!!!

Vaughn's 1st Birthday

2009-10-27T11:51:00.007+08:00

baby vaughn's 1st birthday on 26 oct but we pre-celebrated over the weekend.

look at how similar vaughn and mickey mouse (on the cake) is!! *lolZ*

went 'swimming' when we reached the chalet and night set in for preparation of bbq, buffet, etc. my cousins actually went swimming at night, playing games and all but i am really lazy to get wet, bathe, etc all over again. so i chose to loiter around instead. *lolZ*

2nd day was beta. we played for around 3hrs+ inside the swimming pool. jumping around + screaming/shouting, playing the slide and getting bruises all over. haha!

i guess family members alone are BIG enough to occupy the full chalet. just take a look at the numbers of kids we have.. haha!

more pics can be found in my facebook, and videos in my youtube, user: chimestarz.

enjoyz~

lastly, happy birthday to all my scorpio frenz~ :D

Year 2010 Calendar

2009-10-14T14:21:00.003+08:00

as usual, this is the time of the year for me to get a calendar from ASD - Action for Singapore Dogs. I used to support SPCA but they in fact put animals to sleep. I guess they do not have a choice since they house all kinds of animals and it is almost impossible for them to rehome every single one of them.

So, anyway I turn to give my support to ASD since they hold a no-kill philosophy, and seriously i dont like cats. *lolZ*

Calendar is sold at S$10 per copy and it can be found in several locations. Click on the picture to know more!!

张韶涵 - 偶尔

2009-10-11T23:44:00.007+08:00

张韶涵 - 偶尔

我們都曾經失去愛情
從你的身上我認識刻骨銘心
錯過的花季我的心也就結成冰

我們都曾經非常努力
卻常常的歎息常常有了疑問句
所以我離去

偶爾很清醒偶爾卻抗拒
偶爾有睡意偶爾很傷心
當我們反覆練習
想讓愛歸零但無能為力

偶爾很開心偶爾卻下雨
偶爾有夢境偶爾很想你
當我們(同時)安靜
也做了決定卻不要再見你

曾经

2009-10-01T23:51:00.002+08:00

曾经我喜欢看着他的背影，因为我知道他在找我。。
因为这样，我会暗自微笑。
原来，两个人的背影才算完整。

曾经我会看着他的背影，瞬间在心里想着：
自己为什么会和一个看似不搭的人在一起？
原来，喜欢一个人是这么地盲目；我只看见他的好，对~ 就是这么盲目。。他真的就这么好！哈哈！

看着他的背影，除了微笑，就是暗笑。。那种感觉，真的真的很幸福。

因为是曾经，它便是过眼云烟。
因为是曾经，而现在我能这么开阔地写着。。我想。。我是真的真的放下了。。 :D

Thanks Darling

2009-09-15T15:26:00.005+08:00

darling bought me a box of Pachi chocolates - 80% cocoa and around 20 pieces.

look how nice the paper bag and the box is. hehe! it really came as a surprise!!

the wrapper, when detached, is in fact a sticker! but i dont know the use of it la.. dont see the point even though is very innovative.

to my dearest darling: i really appreciate all the little thoughts you have for me. i know that you have been putting in an extra mile of efforts. even though we do not have the luxury of spending as much time together as before, i know you have always been trying to be there, to show that you really treasure me. :D

dont worry, i treasure you too. *hugZ*

不喜欢这种人

2009-09-05T00:26:00.006+08:00

好累啊。。真是活该的我。。每次都爱临时抱佛脚。现在还不知死活的在这里写blog！！哈哈！今天请假做project，但还是很多做不完耶。。烦！！等过了10号，我就解脱了！因为已经到了第二节的学期，而我只需要上一堂课！！哈哈！想到都好开心哦~~ :D

今天在想。。每个人都是有心机的吧。我不得不承认，我是个有心机的人，但我觉得。。我比别人好很多。。哈哈！至少，我没有很自私、没有“只顾自己”的心态、没有邪恶的念头。好多时候，我只是随机应变罢了。

内心的我，连我自己都受不了自己的善良。
哇哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！！
喂~ 可以不要把我的坏脾气混为一谈吗？！善良的人也是可以发脾气的哦~ 哈哈！

我不明白，在自己有能力的范围内帮助别人，是有多难啊？
我不明白，一个听众在别人求助的时候变成聋子，是什么种鸟人啊？
我不明白，装作一副心地善良，善解人意，天真无邪的人，是怎么活的？他们难道觉得这样，全世界的人都会永远喜欢他们吗？还真对不起，本小姐我刚好很不喜欢这种人。

开始不了解别人时，我会一视同仁。

你自私的尾巴露出第一次时，我会想你可能真的没办法。
但我给你多过一个星期的选择，只需要选一天罢了。。有多难？？？？

你有在半工半读吗？
没有。

你有很忙吗？
应该没有。不然你也不会说，自己的人生无聊。

我并没有鸡蛋里挑骨头。我只是觉得，你是应该这么做的；以礼还礼，这是基本的待人之道，你难道不懂吗？？？？

还一直拼了命想讨功劳，占便宜。。还真是够了你。

反正你也不是对我，我是无所谓啦。。
你只是让我知道，当我朋友。。你还不够格。

我并不是最棒的朋友，但我绝对是个值得的朋友。
你。。不值得。。所以是不会成为我的朋友的。

P/S: To all my frenz who are already classified as frenz.. please dont worry.. this post is definitely not directing at you.. haha!

Get Your Wish Crystal Today!!

2009-08-29T22:16:00.005+08:00

presenting to you completed product of my Wish Crystal.

i have to fill up the base with 相思豆 coz it looks really empty. i am glad i did!!

a closer look at the crystals.. they really look like crystal!! just that it doesnt have the gradient look.

the instruction is that after 24 hours, u can start draining out the water. however, my advice is that you should only drain out the water when your crystal has 'grown' to a significant size/shape. that will most probably takes more than 3 days. just remember not to leave it alone till it dries up.

oh yes, i had made my wish too. looking at the Wish Crystal will remind me of my wish, and i am hopeful about it! haha!

get your Wish Crystal from Mini Toons today!! is fun!! and a nice decor for your office. i am bringing mine to office on Monday. haha!

strictly for happy news only

2009-08-27T00:24:00.005+08:00

met up with gerri today for a good dinner. she will be going back Toronto next Friday (almost put a sad face but cannot. STRICTLY FOR HAPPY NEWS ONLY. haha!)

went roaming around AMK Hub and as usual, went into Mini Toons. looked around and found this.

seriously, i was attracted to it because of the box. haha! Wish Crystals.. sound like it will really come true huh! despite the fact that my horoscope actually belongs to the earth element which is green (my fave color yeah), i thought the one on display (also green) looks terribly like grass instead of crystal. seriously, if i believe in it, i guess the color doesnt really matter as long as i chose it myself and i truly like it. haha! so i went ahead to take blue instead. yaya, i like childish stuff la.. anyway, i bought purple while gerri bought blue. then we did an exchange and so it becomes a gift from the other. WAHAHAHAHHAHA!! lamee.. kor and y.bro were kinda curious as to how it will become and how it works. so the three of us meddled with it for a while.

Instructions read: after a few hours, the crystals will begin to grow.

Kor: quick, put the crystal seed in, then it will begin to grow.

Me: where got so fast? *read instruction aloud* a few hours lor..

verryn, y.bro, kor, da-sao and i were crowding around that small bottle.

Me: so we stay in this position, stare at this bottle for a few hours to watch it begin to grow huh

i thought the whole scenario was kind of hilarious. yup, cant deny that sometimes it is good to stay as a big family. small little things can also become a big thing. haha!

will post up the finished look of the wish crystal when it is done forming tomorrow. (24 hours to form the crystal)

***

extremely happy to declare that i wont be failing that module (the module that i was talking about in my previous entry).

that fucking idiot, who has turned into a bastard, flopped his presentation. coz lecturer said it is not as a group and due to the topic he presented. why did he turn into a bastard is because..
1) he actually instigated the other group mate to drop this module and stop debating on the topic. fyi, he insisted in that topic that is out of the objective for our presentation.
2) he went up to the 'stage' and began his speech by backstabbing his 2 project mates (me and that project mate), in hope of gaining sympathy points. lecturer was pissed by him, i guess. she shut him off by saying something that goes,"xxx, i am not interested in what happen. just get on with your presentation."

i dont know why but i got this gut feel that he is the kind of person who will do just such things. so that night i actually sms lecturer and told her i will not be going for the presentation due to too much unhappiness caused. of course, i did not mention anything about the guy. my stand is, to let lecturer know that it is not due to my irresponsibility that caused my absence and also to hint to her so that she knows something is wrong and WONT GIVE THAT BASTARD ANY SYMPATHY MARKS. my project mate did the same too but i dont know her intention for doing so la..

so i will be going for my presentation on 19 sep. yeay~ dear lecturer is so nice that she helped both of us appeal for the chance. she sounded so much angrier than me when she called over on Sat. haha!

***

finished off my 3 group project assignments. finally, it is over. i almost puke out all my blood then. thanks God i get really good project mates like Pei Zhi (very sweet and responsible girl), Sharon (bubbly and helpful), Kleven (dont talk but he is a very responsible group leader), and Judas (nice la but abit bossy).

***

everything is very much in place now at my workplace. passed my probation and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise for my mc after national day. i was struggling not to see doctor since i cant claim for it anyway. but in the end, i did coz i was too sick to stay alive without medicine. when i returned to work, my boss actually gave me an early confirmation, so that i can claim for my mc and medical fees. hehe!

have nice colleagues there. i think i am really blessed. from sanford to sanmina-sci and now, dayen.. all my colleagues are overall good. :D

mr teo, our coo, not coz he has the same surname as me.. but i really respect him as a senior and i like the way he guides people. he takes things slow and steady but manage them really well. i really take my hat off him. haha! and he is really funny when he plays!!

my boss daniel too. but at times, he is too stressed and pushy. but i have mastered the way to handle him. i have teo's characteristic - take things slow and steady, even though i dont really manage them well. haha! daniel is superb in his EQ, alot more to learn from him!!

esther, coz she behaves and advises like a big sister-cum-friend.

vivian and gao feng; we can really chat and laugh out loud. the ONLY 3 young people there.. (-_-")

LiLi, who is selfless, efficient and laugh aloud at times. oh ya, and she always read out her emails too, dont know why. haha!

wendy, who helps me alot and says cold jokes.

yiran, who is patient and funny.

molly; we can hold conversation for long.

tong, whois funny and encouraging.

ramon, whois funny, bubbly.. and many more other project engineers :D

not forgetting lim et, who made me cry once during the 1st month i was there. after that day, i tell myself, i will never cry because of him again. and so, i mastered the way to handle him.. hehe!

our bangla workers, who always greet me good morning and say hi to me, who always volunteer to help me with things.

so yes, for now.. i dont feel like resigning anymore.

***

P/S: spendthrift me just bought a pinky ring for myself today. just feel like getting something for myself even though i had overspent too much this month (due to KL trip!!)

a new watch

2009-08-25T12:20:00.003+08:00

finally, i got back my fossil watch. made several calls to fossil customer service centre but they did not get back to me. they said 3 months and it should be done!! so why am i not getting any news from them? i got really pissed off and so i made the call to HQ instead. amazingly, my watch is ready for collection the next day. what the..

a new bezel..

the old bezel. can you spot the big crack? the other end was worse, the whole thing broke off. in case you are wondering how the hell it landed up in such a terrible state, yes, i smashed it on the floor.. ACCIDENTALLY.. thought i said before? old liaoz la me~

the old and new bezels.. *lolZ*

the black cheapo watch and the ever-so-shiny watch

in fact i felt kind of uncomfortable when i put on the fossil watch, coz it sends dazzling sparks to my eyes. that's why i was quite hesitative to put it on again. lame right, waited for 3 months and when i finally get it back, i dont feel like wearing.

anyway, it is now happily attached to my left wrist again! (^_^)~V

ridiculous

2009-08-22T00:57:00.004+08:00

is ridiculous to wait 20mins for a cab.
is ridiculous to complete 3 assignments within a week and another 3 within a week.
is ridiculous to throw all the tough questions to me.
is ridiculous to waste another 400 bucks of mine, SIMPLY COZ A FUCKING PROJECT MATE OF MINE REFUSES TO LISTEN AND REACH TO A MUTUAL CONSENSUS.

ALL THANKS TO HIM

THAT I NEED TO RETAKE MY MODULE.

ALL THANKS TO HIM

THAT I CANT EVEN PUT UP A LAST HOPE TO PASS THE MODULE.

FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF BY THIS FUCKING IDIOT

WHO HAS GOT A DAMN FUCKING FACE

I FUCKING HELL FEEL LIKE BASHING AND SLAPPING HIM.

WHAT DE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND I AM ATTRIBUTING IT TO HIM THAT I MISS MY COMPANY RETREAT FOR THIS MODULE YET I STILL GET THE FLOP!!!

my new workplace

2009-08-05T15:23:00.004+08:00

no mood to work today.. haha! 1st time bloggin in my current office. normally i dont have the time to do my personal stuff during office hours. THE TIME PASSES SO SLOWLY..

after consulting a feng-shui specialist, my company finally underwent renovation. so everything is done - my new desk, new space, but not a new chair. their antique chair is stopping me from bringing my kuma kuma cushion. duhz~

presenting to u my new workplace ~!!

can u spot the little things that make my space cosy?

the little stickers got kind of messy, so i pasted them elsewhere.

the little corner especially for my 'toys'.. haha!

lastly, a pic of vaughn and me.. haha! he resembles verryn so much so that ermm.. this pic looks like a duplicate. haha! and i dont know why but my cheeks seem to get higher and higher..

the black couple

2009-07-10T19:40:00.002+08:00

realized that ever since i combined both blogs, i rarely blog in chinese anymore. let's see, i should find an auspicious date to work on a chinese entry. anyway, i seldom blog too. i am overwhelmed by my workload, but i guess everything is falling in place now, even though it is still very busy.

my face suffered from severe pimple outbreak and everyone is commenting,

"oh my god, how come your face becomes like that?!"

"what happen to your face?!"

"your face really very jialat now eh"

.................... etc

i am really irritated by the outburst of new pimples everyday. every night, i will be standing in front of the mirror, giving the pimples a 'good massage'.

mother was trying ways and means to help my face recover. haha! anyway, she suggested seeing the chinese physician and feeding on chinese medicine to 'adjust' my health internally, so that there will be less pimple breakout. so.. TA-DA~!! my chinese medicine!!

she bought aloe vera gel for me too, saying that by applying every night, it will help to heal my face. oh whatever. so now i am applying that as well. and guess what?! i change a series of products to Clinique. SPEND A BOMB!! *sianz*

my fossil watch had left me for almost 2 mths. and surviving past the 1st 2 wks was terrible. everyday, i am struggling without a watch and contemplating to buy an expensive watch (around $150?) to tide me over this period. fyi, my fossil watch has been hospitalized and will only be discharged in pink of health after 3 - 4 mths.

so, 1 fine night, i stepped into this shop and searched for the SIMPLEST designed watch, that costs only $10. TA-DA~!! presenting to you, the watch that does not look like it is worth only $10~!! i am so pleased with myself. haha!

one month one posting

2009-06-17T22:54:00.002+08:00

my handphone bill has always been in the $30s as normal.

except for the 1 time i spend 1hr++ on the phone when i was in Redang, which amount to over $100 for that month. heart pain.

and now i received my bill and is shown $86.75. :S
i am unfortunately very much in debt and i received this bill. very unfortunate.
it must be due to too many callings to & fro Mama Teo during that time when i just departed sanm. heart pain. :'(

recent updates

2009-05-24T21:56:00.007+08:00

oh my god, i havent been blogging. my desktop pc died on me for as long as i am not here. right now, i am contemplating to buy a laptop, but i really dont have that kind of spare cash to buy. sigh, no idea what to do.. but then what brand do you think is good for laptop? Asus? Fujitsu?

started work at my new ulu company in woodlands.
people there are nice, just that they do not have a proper system, and also the previous HR had left, so nobody knows how to go about teaching me things. they merely give me instructions and expect me to know what to do. many a times, i find myself highlighting to them that i got no experience in payroll and also i have yet to really get to know how the company operates. they ought to give me more time. sigh.

i will be having a HR presentation next Saturday. boss is expecting me to come up with the various slides by tuesday. HA-HA! insanity. my boss is nice but i realize that he has in mind too many things he wants to implement. on and off, he will come to me and tell me what he wants to do, and ta-da! i have to get it done. come on, is not fair to me lor.. esp when i am already having difficulties in their daily HR operations. HE OUGHT TO GIVE ME MORE TIME. i sincerely hope that he will understand where i am coming from. sigh x 02.

departure in SANM (now my ex-coy) was not as smooth sailing as i thought. i did weep on my first day at work. Jen called me just before lunch to ask me how's everything, and i tell you.. i almost wept during lunch. after that when Joe (one of the supervisors i am hell 'gam' with) called me right after i sent a mass email to inform some SANM colleagues of my new email add. is just so heart consoling to know that i have people who cares for me.. i am damn touched la.. *lolZ* but of course, is not really THAT bad since i can still continue my days in a normal diet.

met 1 supervisor and 2 PRC operators for dinner today. we are considerably close last time in SANM; she would always hold my hand whenever she talked to me. haha! i am also on friendly terms with the 2 operators. we would always talk abit whenever we bumped into each other. one of them did comment that he preferred me to be around in HR coz he has problems 'communicating' to the others in HR. haha! oh yes, i am relatively 'gam' with most of the operators there. anyway, that 2 operators had resigned and one of them is leaving this coming wednesday, so their supervisor - my friend, suggested a dinner together. it was a nice dinner; they are really nice, harmless people. i like to have friends who have no ulterior motives at heart and like me for who i am. and yeah i like them too, for who they are. :D

Fish Spa + Prawning

2009-05-10T22:52:00.004+08:00

reached home at 4am today. is so damn tiring even though my main job is to sit around and relax. hey! not an easy task to complete such tasks with eyes OPEN k! *lolZ*

went prawning with my cousins at Bishan. very packed on a Sat night when we reached at around 1130pm.

coz is not my interest to prawn (don't ask me why i follow), and was very crowded, i suggested going for the foot therapy fish spa. yuhan (Sen's girlfriend) nodded with a very.. hmm.. "gian" smile. 30 Minutes at the price of S$13.

look at the BIG~ fishes - black & fat!!

if you ask me now whether i will return,
Me: No.

i believe the replies of following will be..
Kristy: No!
Ping: No!

they make the water look so dirty. they swam over to us like they have been hungry for donkey years. they are plain disgusting. that explains why i was yelling and almost breaking into tears for the 1st 10 mins with my numerous attempts in getting my legs down.

a good piece of evidence of how big the fishes look.

after the 30mins, i was busy promoting this foot therapy fish spa to ping and soon. i shouldnt have!! but well, i really feel the massage therapy impact; kristy thinks her skin feels smoother; yuhan has no complaints. nevermind, i will show you what causes the regret at the end of this post.

we got bored after sometimes, so audrey suggested bbq-ing.

sen was busy 'straightening' the prawns with satay sticks. *lolZ*

a happy girl all ready to bbq the ALIVE prawns!

yuhan & audrey washing up the prawns

we leave bbq-ing to the guys of course!!

soon and audrey. they behave like an item AT ALL TIMES. *faintZ*

the happy girl with COOKED prawns!!

we cant wait to start eating!! *lolZ*

can you spot the ever-so-small prawn?

and now.. the best piece of evidence to show that the fishes are really BIG~

they hurt my skin so much that it turns into RED rashes~~ i believe is mostly due to my sensitive skin but i cant stop regretting going to the fish spa, because pictures show that the fishes are way oversized. i must shift some blame to them.. *lolZ*

Whimsy!!

2009-05-05T23:04:00.003+08:00

did i ever say that i am having a WHOLE WEEK of shutdown for this week?

is really miserable and i still think that this whole week shouldnt be on a shutdown since i have plenty of things to do. is bad to leave them in the air for 1 whole week, coz my boss will definitely forget about it and then blame me for the delay. darn. enough said.

went to bugis junction today, with mother, da-sao, verryn, baby vaughn and grandma. BIG GROUP huh? *lolZ*

surprisingly, Whimsy is still in town!! that's my childhood playzone where they have lots of childish, innocent and silly games for children!! is very much unlike the TimeZone, X-Zone nowadays whereby they cater mostly to school kids.

^^ BIG DORAEMON~!! i dont think you can find it easily in singapore anymore!

^^ AND A BIG~ PIKACHU~!! haha! dont they look very kiddo~!?

this is how it looks inside. the stupid machine just goes left and right.. Zzz..

and i found another machine with 5 dummy roosters dressed up like cowboys.. ermm.. nono.. cow-roosters. haha!

is so nice to find familiar things associated with my childhood memories. *lolZ*

a better tomorrow

2009-04-24T22:30:00.010+08:00

i don't think i want to blog about my current boss, even though i feel so choked with the things she did to me and my colleague. all i can say is, i feel so glad that i am leaving. she is far too unappreciative to make me feel a lest guilty towards my colleague. ENOUGH SAID. else blood starts reboiling. *lolZ*

went over to my new company again today, coz de HR is having her last day. is kind of impossible to have a handover to me, since i will only be joining them 3 weeks later. *lolZ* anyway, she taught me on the system, payroll and i am already full of question marks. wahahaha! it kinds of worries her, as what i can see from her face. :p

for your info, here is my company name. you may click on the picture below as a link to its website. but well, don't think anyone bothers. not even me. haha!

we had a farewell-cum-welcome lunch at Jack's Place. woo~ quite generous huhz~ is kind of fun coz they do joke and chat, which reminds me of SHR. :'(

when we went back to office, i told the HR girl that i missed my ex-company (SHR) out of the blue and i started looking sad. *faintZ*

however, true colors will only show when i have worked there for long. hopefully everything turns out well. :D

found out that a colleague from there just started school in SIM, and she is very friendly! oh yes, that's liked another gift to me from LTY (Lao Tian Ye aka My God) - i found someone as a companion to go school with me next time. OH YEA~

everything seems to be taking a turn for the better. whatever it is, it is definitely a better turn than the nonsense i am withstanding now. but you know, suddenly i feel that my life is going to go smooth, my instinct tells me so.. i am so looking forward. geeZ~

************************************************************************************

by the way, i found the following content when i was combining my blogs the other time. though it is incomplete, but i find it well-written by me. *lolZ*

发出去的短讯在等待回应。
想多不在意，我说我不在意。
但心里的对话，我知道骗了谁、都骗不了最想受骗的我。。

原来，思念是在最不经意的时候。。
原来，思念不是说走就走。。
不想太在意；朋友真没什么好在意。。
不想不理睬；

Resignation

2009-04-20T14:36:00.002+08:00

no mood for work today.. duhz.. i think that's what they call "Monday Blues". :x

one year later and i am back to this topic. haha! i had tendered my resignation and my last day will be on 13 May 2009. HURRAY~~

it is such a BIG difference as when i tendered my resignation to SHR last year.

Difference (1)
THEN - i wanted to serve 2 months' notice
NOW - i hope to pay off the notice & rest at home instead of slogging my life here.

Difference (2)
THEN - i got more and more unease as time passed, and i realized there were so many things, may it be work, environment, people, that i ccouldn't bear to let go.
NOW - i still get more and more unease but is due to the people around who simply can't stop annoying me with their nonsense. :S

Difference (3)
THEN - i felt truly unhappy leaving and 'abandoning' all of them.
NOW - i feel SO GODDAMN relieved that i am 'abandoning' them. haha!

Difference (4)
THEN - when i tendered my resignation to chong, i told him not to talk to me about my resignation, coz my eyes were already watery. i could not bring myself to face him. i felt SO GUILTY.
NOW - i tendered and my boss did not really talk to me about this - all the craps about trying to salvage my resignation. i am thankful she didn't coz i won't want to hear words she doesn't mean it.

one supervisor actually came all the way down to HR, just to pass me chocolates. aww.. so sweet~ haha! i mean the chocolates.. *lolZ*

Difference (5)
THEN - i will ever re-join SHR again, if given a good opportunity, and then sits there till the day i retire. I MEAN IT~!! kaka!
NOW - i will ever join back only WHEN MY BOSS IS NO LONGER AROUND and ALL MY COLLEAGUES ARE STILL THERE. seem like impossible. thus, i guess there will never ever be a chance for me to re-join this company.

i guess 5 BIG~ differences are good enough to show how much i love my previous company and how much i am dying to leave here. duhz.. till then~ seeya~

Combination of Blogs / 部落的合并案

2009-04-18T23:39:00.008+08:00

i guess this will be the first and only time i have to blog in english and then chinese.
frequent visitors must have realized that my blog changes over time - picture, colors, tagboard, whatnots. and guess what? i have actually brought over all my chinese entries to this main blog of mine!! a very big project i must say, and is finally completed. geez~ save all the troubles in clicking this and that, everything in the same blog is good~ hehe! i actually labelled up all my chinese entries for easy viewing.. so considerate hor~ haha!

till then.. seeya~ :D

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

我想我是疯了吧~ 我花了好几个小时将我华文部落里的所有文章“移民”到这来了。
那天意外发现原来这部落可以看中文（记得以前是不行的，不知道为什么。。），所以我想，合并两个应该就没这么“麻烦”了吧。。

我还特地将它们全列进了“华文”区，以方便阅读。。是不是很细心？？哈哈！

就这样，掰咯~

Schemes for Thoughts

2009-04-17T23:29:00.006+08:00

i added a tagboard to my blog after 4 long years of isolation. haha! is time to show some efforts that i do let people enter my world. *lolZ*

anyway, attended the quarterly communication session today. my company is going into 2 schemes instead of retrenchment. to a certain extent, i think these are very good practices to prevent people from committing suicide unnecessary. but then again, people who wish to leave for a good cost but fail, may also jump off from the building - this i wouldn't know. haha!

let me share with you what they are all about. how i wish they sent me the powerpoint slides. :p

1) Voluntary Separation Scheme Package (VSS)
- is almost similar to retrenchment, whereby my company actually pays 1 month for every year of service, plus pro-rated AWS. but then they term the monies as ex gratia payment instead. employees will have to submit an application to HR (but it will be good for them to highlight to their supervisors first, i guess) and it will be reviewed on a case-by-case basis by the management.

basically, they are just targetting on the 2 very huge depts with excess headcounts, i believe. pros is a reduction in headcount but cons is that they might attract the wrong crowd of people, i.e. good employees who have served the company for donkey years. but well, subjected to management's approval right? they sure know their ways man.. *lolZ*

2) Sabbatical Leave
- going on unpaid leaves but will be paid ex gratia according to the duration of leaves you apply. for example, if you have applied 6 months of Sabbatical Leaves, company will pay you 0.5 month of salary. during this period of time, you may get employed part-time/ full-time but not to a competitor's company (common sense lor. *lolZ*). payment of ex gratia is capped at a leave application of 24 months, which is a payout of 2 months.

frankly speaking, i think there is a loophole. not saying that i am evil but i think they should cap it at 12 months to prevent people from abusing it. if an employee, e.g. me, who has worked for less than 1 year, and is deem as excess headcount (means i apply VSS or sabbatical leave also confirm will approve), i would rather apply for 2 years of sabbatical leave, get my 2 months' salary and vanish then. afterall, i don't think the company will expect me to turn up 2 years later. *lolZ*

lastly, for your info..
Definition of ex gratia: Ex gratia is most often used in a legal context. When something has been done ex gratia, it has been done voluntarily, out of kindness or grace. In law, an ex gratia payment is a payment made without the giver recognising any liability or legal obligation.

没有人是一个人的

2009-04-06T13:01:00.003+08:00

超开心的，因为我发现原来在公司里，还可以上来部落！
我还以为他们什么都block了。哈哈！

最近，心情很好。是心情好的关系吗？连做的梦都是美美的。。哈哈！

有时候，不得不感激老天爷给我的一切 – 家人、朋友、阿姨们、表s。。不管发生什么事，他们都会一直在我身边。

我真的开始相信，在这世界上，确确实实有人好似一个人在活着。他们的家人不在身边、在国外、在忙碌；在哪里都好，就是不在他们的周围。他们有同事，但因为自觉只是同事，所以不多聊，也不相约出门。他们的朋友更是寥寥无几。是时间也好，本身也罢。。他们的朋友也说不上是谈得来。朋友不需多；知道你发生了事，他会第一时间帮忙的，一个就够了。然而，有些人却连一个也没有。我的朋友不多，可能平时都在各忙各的。但我知道，我有事，他们一定出现。哇~ 这样就很令我感动了。我可千万别有事，以免这美丽的信念会面临被幻灭的危机。哈哈！

人，一定有低落的时候。在低落时，没人在身边，更是难熬。

一个人的世界，没有严厉的对话、没有真心的对骂。
一个人的世界，听不见鼓励的话、看不见关注的眼神。
一个人的世界，你或许不知道是为什么而活、为谁而活。
一个人的世界，没有割舍、更别说是分享了。
一个人的世界，似乎必须比别人还努力地生活。

只要你有爱你的家人，支持你的朋友。。你就不是一个人。只要你相信远方那份最真挚的祝福。。你就不是一个人。只要你愿意去在乎身边的人。。你就不是一个人。

这世界上，没有人是一个人的。

Grandma Birthday

2009-04-05T23:45:00.008+08:00

after tombsweeping this morning, we are to celebrate grandma's birthday in advance for her later in the afternoon. other than the buffet we have, there is a cake for grandma!! let the pictures speak more than a thousand words. (^_^)~V

the older generation..

the younger generation.. *evil laugh*
P/S: by the way, if you manage to spot me & the cousin beside me in black w/o cap, let me share a little secret with you.. - i got a crush on him when i was really young. WAHAHAHA!! Nana, don't drop your jaws! *lolZ*

the chaos.. and overflooding of humans.. before we managed to have a..

全家福！！

is really difficult to get a GOOD picture taken. my cousins demostrated well. *lolZ*

the Bollywood.. haha!

it kind of sucks to be the only girl of the Cousins 1st Generation. i don't even have a place to stand!!

Cousins 2nd Generation. See! you should know who has the authority. haha!

tired after a long day.. Zzzzzzzzzzz........

Fishing @ Changi

2009-04-04T22:27:00.008+08:00

Saturday was well spent with some of my little cousins, along with my aunt & uncle bringing us to this Changi Boardwalk AKA Commando Jetty. having no plans on hand & not much cash to spare, I decided to follow them for fishing, 'cause dear Verryn wanted to go badly. I never like fishing due to my very big misconcept that I have to sit there quietly, waste my time staring at the sea. after much communication with Roger, I soon realized that we are heading Changi Boardwalk!! aww.. did I ever mention that i simply love that place 'cause it brings me peace? geeZ~

unpack unpack unpack~ all before fishing can take place. we went to the nearby beach for some beach strolling and water dipping too!

professional fishes with a high high rod.. while ermm..

little verryn fishes with only the nylon string. NO BAIT SOMEMORE!! (-_-")

that's verryn trying to look professional.

as you can see, we are very much at home :D

i don't understand the passion for fishing. basically, you hold the string/rod waiting all long day only to get your bait washed off/eaten away/whatnots and start fixing fresh bait onto the hook again. the above picture denotes a motion that has been repeating the whole day long. haha!

final rewards are 2 catfish and 1 i-dont-know-what.

i really love the scenery there. look at the pictures i took with my hp. no photoshop done, since i don't know how to use it.

Victory sign for a successful outing!! :D

my desk

2009-04-03T22:30:00.000+08:00

Is getting pretty boring. I have yet to get interviews, selected, dump letter to my current boss & awaiting to report to a new boss. I HAVE YET TO GET A CHANCE TO BLOG ON MY NEXT NEW JOB. :(

Bad news I heard from lene that her company decides to cease operations in Singapore, and so she is, in a way, retrenched. They are not compensating her since ample notice is given. That is quite a bad news to hear but not uncommonly nowadays. Paycuts, shorter work week, temporary laid off, retrenchment, etc.. they seem like the IN thing now which nobody hankers after.

Anyway, took pics of my current desk, so thought of sharing. Haha!

Presenting to you MY DESK!! ;p

Personally, because I am seated last, I like my little corner very much. I enjoy the kind of privacy I didn't have previously (seated first in SHR & second in the Depot plant during my OJT). Now, let's zoom in to this little corner of mine, while I intro some 'habits' I brought over from SHR!!

here's where I put my bag. I don't hide it under the desk nor in the drawer like the rest of my colleagues. I guess that's just me who generously displayed my bag, because I trust that nobody will steal. Haha! Oh, not forgetting that A4 box below is where I keep all the double side papers for recycling. 2 habits brought over from SHR~ :D

I have 2 water bottles because we do not own a convenient pantry where I can easily get my water from. I hate walking to the canteen for fear of the need to socialize to people I don't really know. So normally I will fill up the BIG bottle in the morning to last me the whole day.

The top picture are all my assets from SHR, except for that white monkey. They are still with me! My windmill, the octopus coin bank, a butterfly note holder, a giraffe magnet, a ladybug magnet, etc.. this is the little corner in my little corner. 3rd 'habit' from SHR.. GeeZ~ By the way, did you realize that I seem to have paper all around my desk?

4th - I am still very used to clipping a stack of paper as rough papers, documents to remember, etc..

5th - I still have my name tag on the keyboard, just like how it was laid out back in SHR.

And my most prideful 'habit' is, I actually organized the documents, boxed them up and labelled them the way I did in SHR. VERY NEAT HOR? A total of 23 boxes in place, but I need more boxes!! Their filing is CRAZY~

Enough of sharing.. Time for bed.. Zzz..

文章：婚礼和葬礼

2009-03-25T23:09:00.003+08:00

书名：永不永不说再见
作者：张小娴

人生的两件大事 ----- 婚礼和葬礼，其实有很多共同点：主人家邀请的，都是同一批人。

在葬礼上，我们品评死者的遗容，研究他的化妆。
在婚礼上，我们品评新娘的尊容。
有些新婚化的妆好像死人化的妆。

死者出殡前一天，亲人和挚友回流在灵堂，陪他度过入土为安前最后的一天。
新郎结婚前一天，挚友会陪他渡过自由身的最后一天，明天便送他去死。

在婚礼上，最出人意料的，是不见了新郎和新娘。
在葬礼上，最出人意料的，是不见死者。

在婚礼上，可以临阵退缩。在葬礼上，绝不可以。
在葬礼上，我们不需被迫跟主人家合照。

在婚礼上，有人欢笑，有人流泪 ----- 包括新郎新娘的父母、情敌及感怀身世的女人。
在葬礼上，也是有人流泪，有人欢笑----- 事关谁是死者的巨额遗产继承人。

在婚礼上，我们会问别人：“什么时候轮到你？”
在葬礼上，不能这样问；顶多之可以问：“什么时候轮到自己？”

在婚礼上，男女双方山盟海誓。在葬礼上，我们才明白，山盟海誓敌不过死亡。

文章：你想我知道的

2009-03-08T13:51:00.002+08:00

书名：永不永不说再见
作者：张小娴

除非大家都是对方的初恋情人，否则，我们都会有过去。

年少时候，我们会问：
“你谈过几多次恋爱？”
“你曾经有多少女朋友？”
“你和多少女人睡过？”
“你和他为什么分手？他是不是你最爱的？”

年纪大了一点，恋爱经验也丰富了一点之后，我们不会再那样问了。
我甚至不一定要知道。

他喜欢说的话，我当然想听。我怎会不想知道呢？但我不会寻根究底。
他说多少，我便听多少。他会一点一点地告诉我。
当他忽然停下来不再说下去，我也不会去追问。

一天，提起大家的旧情。若他说：“我的你都知道了。”
我会微笑着说：“你想我知道的，我都知道了。”

是的，你想我知道多少，我便知道多少。我不想你知道的，我也不会说。

我爱的是现在的你，为什么要逼你说过去？那就等于逼你说谎。

你的旧情人太好了，我会妒忌。我宁愿不知道。
那样我才能相信，你最爱的永远是我。

me Me ME~~!!

2009-03-06T23:05:00.004+08:00

took my passport photo last week for enrolment into unisim.

looking at my present passport photo, i made a comparison of what i had taken during pri 6, age of 18 and now, 25 :S

TA-DA~!!! PRESENTING ME MYSELF~

i think i look like donald duck when i was in pri 6.

at age of 18, i think i have an innocent look. aww~~ i like this passport photo best now, even though back then, i think i looked really hideous.

and looking at my current passport photo.. my eyes look really weird.. and my looks have somewhat changes. NO FURTHER COMMENTS~ I DONT LIKE. :\

and now i move on to tying up my hair, and i think i portray a sense of maturity! classy classy~ wahahahah! ok, i received comments that i looked aunty, but who cares? another colleague of mine said i looked like popeye's wife..

(-_-")

the bus broke down!

2009-03-06T22:43:00.003+08:00

alright, this is not a post of my new job. none of it at all.

encountered what was kind of amusing today, so i thought of sharing. :)

took an earlier bus to work today (coz is Friday). it happened that when it was going near serangoon, i heard the driver speaking thru the walkie-talkie to an operator. he was mentioning something about the exhaust pipe turning black, or was it giving black smoke? anyway, heck. so the next minute, he got all of us to alight at the nearest bus stop, so that he can drive off. hopefully he is not driving it back to the other end of terminal, coz that will be quite insane. hehe!

anyway, amazing thing is.. just as i tapped my ezlink card on the machine, it displayed "Free Ride". oh my god~ that's how technology works! truly amazing, i was really amazed by it. and the next amazing thing is, the bus driver handed each of us a ticket, written "Complimentary Ride", as shown below. so that means i got myself a free ride to work today. sound great to be in a bus that breaks down huh.. haha!

after realizing that the ticket is valid for 1 month, i decided not to use this complimentary ticket coz i want to take a picture of it. haha!

that is not all. so, the next Bus 24 came and obviously it was really packed. being a poor fighter to get into public transport, i realized that i couldnt really get myself in. but nonetheless, i decided to stand at the entrance until ALL the passengers shifted in abit to make space for me. but a kind-hearted uncle tapped me on my shoulder and pointed to the bus behind, "behind still got the bus". thinking it should be Bus 24, i moved off a little to glimpse at the bus behind.

"Bus 22?" i turned to the uncle.

he was beaming with joy. i guessed he thought he did a good deed, and my Bus 24 moved off.

"Uncle, this is Bus 22 lehz.." i asked him, wondering if he knows that i was 'queuing' for Bus 24.

"Ya, also can" he replied and hurried up the bus. lucky he didnt board Bus 24, else i will most probably chase after the bus, just to pull him down and give him a good-deserved bashing. haha!

sitting all alone at the bus stop, i cant help laughing at the whole matter. STUPID INCIDENT~ of coz, i wasnt in the least mad la, in case you thought so. *lolZ*

歌：黄靖伦 - 缺席

2009-03-06T22:35:00.002+08:00

黄靖伦 - 缺席

爱只剩下躯壳
为什么还不放手却拉扯
是我不甘心还是不舍
为何我还在固执的拔河
其实我真的很难过
只是难过都沦为沉默
可能我真的不懂得让你更快乐

我想和你在一起却在你未来缺席
给你的爱那些美丽
已长成藤蔓缠着我的生命

在你的未来缺席
像是一出剧本未完待续
预留伏笔把未完成从容继续
如果还有如果就算瞬间老去毫不犹豫

爱是不是都一样
无论多漫长终究曲终人散
可是我不想因为不敢却步沮丧
然後半途收场

其实我真的很难过
只是难过都沦为沉默
可能我真的不懂得让你更快乐

我想和你在一起却在你未来缺席
给你的爱那些美丽
已长成藤蔓缠着我的生命

在你的未来缺席
像是一出剧本未完待续
预留伏笔把未完成从容继续
如果还有如果拥抱你不犹豫
能不能将你的样子忘掉

舍不舍得爱让我控制不了
只想要把你拥抱
其实爱上一个人没有解药
我的静脉流着爱陪你到老
原来我还会微笑

我真的想和你在一起却在你未来缺席
在你的未来缺席
像是一出剧本未完待续
预留伏笔把未完成从容继续
如果还有如果就算瞬间老去毫不犹豫

wat have i been up to?

2009-03-01T12:23:00.003+08:00

havent been updating this blog for more than 1 month. i am getting so lazy. hehe!

attended lee lee's wedding on 04 feb. seeing her get married somehow touched my heart. seeing her as a single individual initially, till her disclosure of being attached with joseph, and then all the doubts of whether they will stay together for long due to her complaints. all the sad moments she had previously can be easily traced whenever she talked to us about the problems.. and finally, all ended well with them getting married. it really dawns upon me that marriage dont come easy and the right person doesnt come by anyhow either. it takes so much endurance, patience, tolerance, giving in to each other, understanding each other and holding onto each other as well to make it up to the red carpet. i felt really touched then, and i guess the next one is coming soon coz another good friend of mine is getting married soon too due to the chinese customary of either a 100days or 3 years after. somehow this 'rule' is driving people crazy. WHO DONT HAVE OLD FOLKS AT HOME?? it makes the couple stressed and rush their marriage like hell, which will most probably result in having a not-so-ideal wedding. but nonetheless, like i always encourage them as an onlooker, "it is your after marriage life that is important, not the wedding." you can have the best wedding on earth but there after, suffer thru out your marriage life. who wants that? oh well.. hopefully, i remember what i have told them, and practise it when i do have that chance. hoho!

lost my pinkie ring last wed when having dinner with fairytale. i honestly dont recall where i lost it. pains my heart lor.. coz it worths ard $45 and then i spent $55 getting a new pinkie ring. bad thing is i will only get my new pinkie ring 14days after coz the shop doesnt have my size (size 4 is really small i guess) and they have to get it custom-made. i felt so devastated whenever i did my signature movement of adjusting my ring only to remind myself so many times a day that it was lost. unless i get my new pinkie ring, i will feel so pek cek everyday. haha!

oh my god, this post is getting long. :S

enrolled myself to unisim, degree in HR course. school starting only in July 2009. Darn.. getting on my nerves. i wish it starts right now.

after attending leelee's wedding, i come to an understanding that people move on in life and so, i shouldnt stagnant myself anymore. i should carry on with my previous plan, which is to continue my studies for a degree. surf around for long and seek opinions from all around Singapore, before i finally decide on the HR degree course in unisim. but when i went over to pay my registration fee, they actually told me that my advanced diploma is not recognized and that i will still have to fulfil that 3 years!! what the hell~!! i was rather hesitative initially but seem like there is no other way out. unisim is only charging me 15k for their degree course (govt subsidising 40%) whereas any where out there is at least 22k. i dont have that kind of money to spare lor! haiz~ i should stop thinking about this sad case of mine, and make sure i take only 3 years to finish my degree.

let me stop here for the time being. my next update should be on my change of job, if i find one. haha!

不安的情绪

2009-02-27T01:27:00.002+08:00

最近的心情很不稳定。原以为上周末已经好转了，但今天又有种撑不下去的感觉。

同事的离开，有好有坏。
她往自己的梦想前进，是好。
以后不用再听她唠叨，是好。我最怕人家一直念个不停。
但是。。她的工作量会完完全全由我接手，这很糟糕耶！！我公司上上下下有多过800个人，这怎么可能是我所能负荷的？！！知道消息后，我应该是最不爽、最担忧的人吧~ 但为不想让我另外一个同事担心，也觉得就算我说出什么意见想法也不可能改变这事实，我异常冷静地接受这一切。明明知道自己无法胜任，还得把自己逼到极限，我觉得好委屈。未来的日子一定会很苦，但算了吧~ 我也只能尽力而为了。要开始祈祷咯！！

慢慢平息了自己的心情后，突然知道报读大学的截止日期是三月尾。马不停蹄地在网上报名、准备文件、等等。。之前一直在烦恼该读什么系，什么学校的文凭才是被认可的。我就是那种，要想得越全面越好、要减低后悔的可能性、要为未来铺路。。所以，原本的两个问题，就足以生变成1001个烦人的问题。。让我想了好几天。哈哈！

好啦~ 结果勒。。今天去学校报名时，那里的负责人说，我读的Advanced Diploma不被认可，所以还是要读3年，一点捷径路线都没有。这么说来，我以前考虑了这么多才读下的Advanced Diploma ，竟然一点用都没有？！那不是白读了吗？？
计划还真的真的真的永远赶不上变化。。

那时，Unisim 根本还没被认可，我哪敢冒这个险？
那时，政府也还没发出补学津贴的消息，我哪有钱读大学？

所以咯，时间倒转，我还是会做出一样的决定，所以就没什么好后悔的。
只能说。。新加坡的变化太快了！！哈哈！！

回家的路上，我一直在想，到底应该花3年读这张文凭吗？拿到文凭时，我都已经28快29了！！似乎比别人慢很多。。我其实只想用2年的时间读完的。唉。。但我根本没充足的“基金”去想怎么做。。所以咯。。也只好用3年的时间读书咯。。

有时在想，自己是不是太认真地过生活啊？这样是好还是坏？

我其实一点也不想读大学的，但我没办法。。因为看不到未来，所以这张文凭只是为了保险、为了铺个后路。如果还有选择的余地，我根本不会选这条路来当我人生重要的一条路。

对我而言，重要的是幸福；而幸福源自于人，不是纸。

歌：方炯镔 - 坏人

2009-02-02T22:54:00.001+08:00

方炯镔 - 坏人

那一扇車門關出我們的裂痕
一聲就震斷了回頭的路程

愛無法均分以後就留給你們
也許用傷害結束愛才更動人

容忍的人其實並不笨
只是寧可對自己殘忍
既然愛不能恆溫
祝福就給你下一個人

你是好人也是個壞人
對我坦誠只為了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
這點痛我還能忍

我是好人也是個壞人
分得夠狠你才有藉口轉身
寧願愛一點不剩
也不忍看戀人愛成路人

容忍的人其實並不笨
只是寧可對自己殘忍
既然愛不能恆溫
祝福就給你下一個人

你是好人也是個壞人
對我坦誠只為了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
這點痛我還能忍

我是好人也是個壞人
分得夠狠你才有藉口轉身
寧願愛一點不剩
也不忍看戀人愛成路人

三個人從不對等總有個人必須犧牲
那永恆就等他帶你完成

你是好人也是個壞人
對我坦誠只為了朝他狂奔
不能放任所以放了
這點痛我還能忍

我是好人也是個壞人
分得夠狠你才有藉口轉身
寧願愛一點不剩
也不忍看戀人愛成路人

寧願愛一點不剩
也不忍看戀人愛成路人

happy cny~!!!

2009-01-24T01:19:00.007+08:00

good things come in pairs. enough said when you see the below picture. a picture speaks a thousand words, so i am sure you will be able to identify my bandaged ankle. haha! ankle sprained previously was not recovering, so i went for a second round of twisting and turning by the sinseh. this time, i feel better but i really hope it is getting better. :'(

nobody can be happy with a damaged ankle. *pout*

enough of my ankle. hehe! here me wishing ALL OF YOU OUT THERE A HAPPY CNY. this year may turn bad due to economy downturn but it is a matter of time that all these nonsense will cease. dont attempt to jump off the building and i believe all these will turn for the better. :)

STAY HAPPY and be blessed with all the good things that may come your ways. Keep smiling!! :)

i am sure this year will be a better year for me, so i will keep smiling and wait for good things to come my way! :D

unforgettable birthday 2009

2009-01-10T23:47:00.009+08:00

my birthday is OVER~!!

i am thinkin on how to blog it.

i shall begin with the one and only bad news and then move on to all the good things and finally, end this post with only good memories. haha!

allow me to share with you a picture first.

Did you see anything wrong? my ankle was in a bandage. (-_-")

seriously, i find it totally unconvincing, unbelievable, unreal and goddamn hilarious! i actually sprained my ankle 2 days before my birthday, got it wrapped 1 day before and tada~ a present to me for my birthday. and because of this surprise, i have no choice but to stay at home on my birthday!! that is simply pathetic; i pity myself a thousand times more than all my friends who feel that way. haha! that is a very unforgettable birthday present i first receive in my lifetime.

the next present that i received and it really touched my heart.. is the trademark of birthday present in SHR - self made envelope with signatures behind and cash inside. HAHA! receiving this means i am not forgotten and i really appreciate that thought. feeling quite bad towards the 2 colleagues - 1 i never see before, the other 1 is minimal contact, yet they still have to contribute. nonetheless, thanks!!

oh ya, and not forgetting noel who got me a separate present - sling bag. she knows i will repel the tag, so permission is granted to remove. hehe! i wont remove it though; i prefer to keep it the way it is given to me :)

thanks gek han for the special efforts in remembering my birthday and getting me something which i was amused at first (i can't figure out the use of it) but come to realize it is in fact something very handy!

thanks lene for buying me a slice of brownie-lookalike. and the present from fairytale. she forced me to make a wish, and in the end, i gave a wrong name!! what the hell~

HOW CAN U GET THE BIRTHDAY GIRL TO LIGHT UP HER OWN BIRTHDAY 'CAKE'?????!!!

4 of my colleagues (alison, celine, vicy, jennifer) from Depot got me a 'get-well' basket. Hohoho~ i sprained my ankle and was mc on friday when the basket arrived. so instead of a birthday basket, i will rather take that as a get-well basket. hehe! i am recovering~ don't worry!! :x

colleagues from Chai Chee got me a watch and a keepsake box. very sweet of them to remember. hehe! thanks effa, thanks lye kuan~

leti and hueyling bought me a cake and we had it done at my house void deck, coz of my ankle!! super spoilsport~

leti trying to force out a double eyelid. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!

hueyling cutting and dividing the cake. the cake is NICE~!!

me posing with the cake and my bandage :)

to me, this has been a very good birthday. THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKING IT A DIFFERENCE :D

not forgetting to thank all who had smsed me (IN ORDER OF SEQUENCE!!)- noel, chris, zhiyong, tzer haw, mh, yanying, jasmine, alfred, cheryl, stefanie, lee lee, asnah, charlene, poh ling, alison, thomas, amelia, 4th aunt, yanting, elynn, yihui, celine, melvin + 2 unknown numbers.

i enjoyed my birthday this year! i believe that this will be a better year for me and i am working towards achieving this belief~!!

文章：当朋友变成情人

2009-01-01T23:04:00.001+08:00

书名：懂得付出，才会幸福！
作者：吴若权

先从朋友做起，再发展爱情，这样的感情模式，是很多专家建议的。因为双方可以在“朋友阶段”时，就客观地观察彼此的各种面相，没有太多伪装虚饰，从此建立的感情基础，会比较稳固、实在。

吉美相信这样的逻辑，所以也很放心地投入感情在她和文民的友谊里。虽然双方都没有讲明要以“成为男女朋友”为前提，却经常玩些“故意搞暧昧”的游戏，也会在情人节互送巧克力，祝福对方找到伴侣。就这样抱着“即使做不成情人，也还是好朋友”的心理，少了患得患失的情绪，站在“进可攻，退可守”的战斗位置，两人都觉得轻松愉快。

但是，相处过了半年，当文民主动向她告白，询问：“我们能不能做更进一步的男女朋友？”两人的关系开始产生微妙的化学变化，恐怕是所有从朋友变成情侣的恋人们都要面对的习题。

首先要学习面对的是，吉美明显感觉自己对文民的占有欲增加了。从前他跟别的女孩讲话，说说笑笑、甚至打打闹闹，她都不以为意。但现在只要有点风吹草动，她就会加强戒备，担心文民的心被抢走。

对文民来说，吉美的心理变化，是他很难克服的障碍。从前，他欣赏的就是吉美大而化之的个性，他始终不明白，什么时候吉美变得如此小心眼？她原先的优点不见了，还多出个缺点。

接下来的习题，其实也跟上一题有关。从前，两人还是朋友的时候，聊天的话题百无禁忌，反而变成情侣之后，有点投鼠忌器。尤其文民很担心某些话题可能会让吉美生气，或使她产生“你好没水准喔！”的印象，所以变得有点沉默寡言。茫然不知情的吉美则十分自责，以为她做错什么、或说错什么，才导致两个人话不投机。

类似的转折还有很多，其实都是从朋友的轨道上要前进转向恋侣的路途时必经的历程。说穿了，就是彼此的占有欲、以及患得患失的心理作祟，导致两人在沟通时，感觉绑手绑脚、放不开。只要能够透析这些心理障碍，就不会被无谓的束缚所捆绑。

“朋友”和“情侣”，本来就是不可“相提并论”的两种关系。原先是“朋友”的两个人，一旦发展成“情侣”，双方都必须调整对待彼此的方式，并且重新适应。只要抱着“为了这份爱，我愿意为对方做点什么，也愿意为对方不做什么”的态度，诚恳地沟通哪些是符合对方期望、又不委屈自己的事，在这方面多多付出心力；哪些是对方深恶痛绝、而自己也能割舍的事，尽量不去碰触，就能让这份爱历久弥坚。

从朋友做起，再发展爱情，是先有“磨合期”之后，再开始“热恋期”；会和那些原本不认识就直接坠入情网的恋人，是从“热恋期”再到“磨合期”，有着很大的不同。但只要诚心交往、愿意付出，不论一种模式，都会是幸福的过程，也会有美好的结果。

merry xmas!!

2008-12-25T21:38:00.007+08:00

this year is a boring xmas, as usual. but all thanks to my colleagues who actually made it great! BUT still, i miss my ex-coy. :(

anyway, pre-xmas celebration was on 23rd dec instead. we were 'united' to wear the same tee for that day. the tee is self-made with all our individual fingerprints and people were complimenting that it looks nice. NICE MEHZ??

to my horror when we reached there (the office in Depot), we saw a floor of presents!! I never expect everyone to buy for everyone, even though they had leaked off some news to us.

is simply too exaggerating!! *lolZ* i thot there is an economy downturn? how come people are still spending like nobody's business?? it seems like i was the only one hit, coz i merely bought chocolates for all of them.

i got my wishlist present!! is an expensive and branded weighing scale from teck sum, and i was pretty shocked how much it cost! i love it alot~ coz it is digital!! hehe! another good news to share is that i have managed to gain back my weight and is looking healthy now. no longer too skinny!!

ros got me an expensive xmas present too - a shawl from Pashima. i like de color - peacock tone, even though i dont wear shawl. i will try to, since it looks really good!

and here is the list of things they gave me, which caused me shame since i only bought chocolates.

not forgetting to mention my attempt in making mango pudding. hehe!

my strawberry pudding (1st attempt) didnt turn out well enough but still edible.

my 2nd attempt in making the mango pudding was rather a success. *PROUD*

gave to my shr family (1 each) and some of my friends. next try will be out around cny~ so the other of my friends can get to try too! hehe!

presents beyond my colleagues were from xiujun, lene and elynn. quite pathetic huh?

fairytale got a jigsaw puzzle from one another!! completed on the spot!! hehe!

i snapped some shots of baby vaughn. he really looks like a photocopy of verryn!!

CUTE HUH? hehe! a more normal looking pic of baby vaughn.

not forgetting our all-time precious..

P/S: just for updates, i had resigned from my part time job since mid-nov.

我 == 安静

2008-12-15T23:20:00.001+08:00

常常想上来打打华文字，但又不知道该说些什么。。有些话好像不该在这里说，有些话也不知道该怎么说。。所以还是不说了~ 哈哈！

今天意外地和我的同事聊起我们是怎么对待老板的。她是那种有时看老板心情好，就会暗示一下老板对我们的坏脾气。但我却是那种不管老板心情好不好、不管老板对我的语气好不好，我就默默地工作。我不多说什么，也不会骂人（只限于老板），是个安静的员工。

我同事就说，她刚来的时候，她发现我其实蛮安静的；是她主动一直找我说话，我们才聊开了。她说，虽然我都会主动和人微笑或打招呼，但也只是这样而已。噢。。我承认，我真的好像沉默了。

上星期和妈妈在聊Baby那嘟嘟的嘴，说话时也超翘的。

妈妈：“她嘴很像你啊~ 你小时候的嘴也是很翘的。”

我：“那我小时候说话的时候，嘴会翘吗？”

妈妈的脸皱了一下：“可是你小时候很少说话啊~”

我：“(-_-“)。。。”

原来。。我是安静的。。从小就是这样了哦。。

take care

2008-12-07T19:43:00.003+08:00

weather is bad, as usual. so people, please take care of yourselves.

caught myself in the rain on Thursday and i was down with a runny nose soon after. the next thing i know is, i was down with a high fever that very night. i didnt realize it until i found myself in blanket, runny nose, cold beads of perspiration and ermm.. a high termperature? popped in 2 panadols at 3am+ and thought i would be able to go to work later. is just too sensitive to be on MC on friday, people might think that i am hankering after a long weekend. i woke up at 530am, very unsure of my condition. so in the end, i decided to mc myself. LUCKY I MC LOR!!

i waited till i was feeling abit better to make my way to the clinic yet the number that the doc showed to me on the thermometer was 38.4. (-_-")

in the end, i was rather bedridden at home for 2days+. still feeling quite bad this morning but am recovering now. thanks God~ but i wondered if it is me who passed my fever over to baby verryn. she is down with a fever and we just came back from the hospital. hers is a higher record than mine - 40.4.. (-_-").. hopefully she will get well soon.

DENTIST~!!

2008-11-24T12:07:00.002+08:00

plant shutdown today.
i think my company is going into 4 days work week very soon as well. but somehow i think, they are still trying their best to keep everyone with a job. finally, there is something about this company that i think is rather humane.

so i decided to visit the dentist today. and i just came back!! i hate dentist!!
first of all, is so much more expensive than visiting a medical practitioner. then the drilling sound never fails to scare the shit out of me. what's up next? i need to open my mouth really wide through out. i can still feel the trama my teeth are undergoing till this very moment.

score card
9 decayed teeth to fill
cleaning up of teeth

total: S$340/-

but anyway, the doc is very professional and nice despite the fact that it is merely a neighborhood dental clinic.

i am so giddy right now.. i think i need a rest. haha! seeya~

niCe bridGe

2008-11-10T22:52:00.003+08:00

i am in love with this bridge the 1st time i saw it. being someone who doesnt chiong, i definitely dont get a chance to view this ordinary looking plus lok kok white colored bridge to transform into this at night. even though it still looks normal when you are standing on the bridge, but the outview is fascinating. is just so amazing rainbow lights can do wonder to something so ordinary. i love this bridge, is just so romantic looking. haha!

anyway, part time working in this jap restaurant is fun and enjoyable till far. i am glad i stay on. but the only hateful thing is i really dont like jap and i simply cant get the menu into my mind at all. worse thing is they have a drink menu as well; all the mocktails, cocktails, wine names, shochu, sake and watsoever. to me, everything on both menus are ALIEN~

tired tired~~

2008-11-05T22:35:00.003+08:00

i brought some work back home today. is just some sorting out of documents coz my company is freezing their headcounts yet trying to give allowance to departments which are in need of staff. so i am kind of buried in those employee requisition forms.. so damn confusing till i think it will be good for me to sort them out, so as to better understand their status.

trying to do backlogs with my colleague as well but we stopped the process coz both of us are rather packed with our own job scope to settle. freezing headcount yet we are SO BUSY~ everyday. no matter what, i must clear those backlogs, even though i feel like fainting at the thought of it. backlogs for the year 2007 and 2008 that is in total mess!!

anyway, ex-coy is going for a trip to night safari on the 14 Nov!! EXCITED~!! haha!
y.boss actually got lee lee to ask me along but i am celebrating my friend's birthday, so i can't make it. i thought it is going to be a weekend and i won't be able to make it due to my part time but now, it seems like i still can't make it. I MISS SANFORD SO MUCH~!! it has been ages since i last saw them :(
but nonetheless, i really appreciate the thought of my y.boss for remembering me and taking me still as part of the family. :)

working part time at the jap restaurant is getting well. the thought of resigning did cross my mind during the initial weekends coz i seriously can't pronounce those jap dishes and the full timers there got attitude problems at times; they simply like to correct this and that of what you do. micro-managing~ but i guess there are just many other nice people there who make me stay. i should not spot the black dot on a white piece of paper, i should focus on the white paper. so now i am there, happy and enjoying my weekends. at least i don't feel that i am wasting my weekends. hehe!

till then.. ciaoz~

我生病了

2008-10-20T23:55:00.001+08:00

今天，头很晕。。一直觉得肚子空空的，但吃东西时却没味道。。总是有种想吐的感觉。。

但我的脸上却是一点生病的痕迹也没有。。我还是会说话、会笑、会给意见、会做工。。在别人眼里，我生病的事似乎不存在。

生病时，好脆弱。。
一个人时，眼角总是湿湿的。。
我压抑的，好像不只是那单纯的病。。

生病时，好敏感。。
觉得没有人关心我的死活。。
到底我死了还是活着。。有人知道吗？有人在乎吗？

我又在幼稚了。
这是我 – 我的想法、我的世界。。已经很努力地在改了，但进度好像很慢。
有时我在想，是不是给自己太大的压力。。越是想改、越是努力地在学习领悟。。却是对自己越来越无助。我觉得我并没有很幼稚却似乎也不成熟。我已经在努力了但慧根还没开启，我能怎么样。。？对于周遭的一切，我越来越无策。。我到底应该怎么样？？

在哪里读到，“黎明破晓前，天空都是黑暗的。”
我的天空。。还要暗多久才看得见曙光？

在哪里读到，“烦恼或痛苦，都是人类自造的。”
哈哈。。我还真是活该。。因为我都学不会放下痛苦。

没有动力的努力。。好累。。

我懂得告诉人家，“你要先改变自己，这样别人看见了、感觉到了。。就会慢慢对你好。。就好像新加坡建圣淘沙，政府也是先建好等人来、而不是等到有人才建啊。。如果等到有人才建，根本就不会有圣淘沙。”

懂得说人，自己是不是也应该好好地加油呢？

我会加油的 :)

part time!!

2008-10-14T22:20:00.002+08:00

guess what?

i found myself a part time job. is amazing how it came knocking at my door when i least expected it. i was searching for one quite sometimes back but is heartbreaking that they could not accomodate to my schedule (weekends ONLY).

anyway, i was not really interviewed (so you can sense how badly they are in need of staff). the manager simply asked for my schedule, slotted me into their roster and toured me round their restaurant.

sadly, is ironic to find me, a jap-disliker to be working in a jap restaurant.

their timing are quite flexible, since they are in need of staffs..
so hurry and have a walk in interview now!! hehe!

finally, i am starting to realize 1 of the top to-do tasks in my list, or rather, i only have 2 things on mind which i want to get myself into.

1) get a part time job and keep my weekends busy.
2) take up dancing lessons so as to better coordinate my hands and legs *lolZ*

my plans dont end just there. well, thinking of taking up my degree next year when i have saved enough (is going to take a SUPER LONG time. any sponsors? *lolZ*)..

but i guess before i start to get myself into studying again, i will most probably have a switch of job. i seriously dont like my job in this current company. i always feel that it is leading me to nowhere even though my boss tried assuring me of the career advancement that they have for me. please go and groom someone else~~

oh ya, not forgetting to update that my dearest ex-company tried getting me back to start up a new department doing local recruitments. i pondered for DAYS~~ before deciding not to go back. it is a GODDAMN difficult decision to make coz i seriously like it there but due a somewhat commitment/promise i made to my current company, i cant return. well, i simply cant bring myself to break a promise. to me, a promise is a promise and should never be broken. i will always try my best to make good of what i have promised. that is why you seldom find me making promises, even on daily matters. haha! that's me and it is so difficult to overcome this principle since i deem it as very important. i am not doing what i feel i owe to my current company but more like fulfilling a promise. people in my current company are nice to me; they take care of me. so well.. i seriously hope people out there respect my decision and support what i had decided.

i must admit that i was in very much a dilemma then. one moment i decided to stay, the next moment i decided to leave. my mind swayed so much that i got a very bad headache for those few days. and when i eventually made a decision, i felt a sense of relief, or rather i thought there is a sense of relief. i woke up the next day, feeling upset and even wept in the bus on my way to work. my mood was totally KILLED at the decision i made. then i realized, perhaps this is not a happy decision but i just have to abide to it.

i believe that if it is meant to be.. it will return to me eventually :)

歌：阿杜 - 活过

2008-10-05T17:31:00.003+08:00

阿杜 - 活过

一条路有多少分岔口
走呀走就不能再回头
痛哭过因为执着
依依不舍那又如何

一棵树长多高才足够
风雨中有过多少惶恐
叶凋落也曾结果
花开花谢只为活过

感动的最初曾经的幸福
尽管我苦苦的追逐
再也找不回来时路
所谓的永久
放下无助换自由
回忆埋在心最深处
种一颗会发芽的祝福

all in a day!!

2008-10-01T23:29:00.009+08:00

28 Sep 2008 is yanying's birthday. oh yes, i have decided to use all full names instead of initials.

we went ECP for cycling but before that, we had dim sum for breakfast. then we moved on to ECP for cake cutting. the weather is darrrrnnnnnnnnn hot.

^^ the cake si shi and me got for yanying. cake from SwissBake, which i don't think is nice. Opera from Delifrance taste so much better. then si shi suggested the "Xi Nu Ai Le" photo taking and we followed suit! as from the picture, you can see that yanying is a much poorer actress than me! i got no image la~!! not that i care. haha!

and because i think i really acted well in the "Ai" part, coz when si shi said "Ai".. it just came to me so naturally on how to 'act' on it, i decided to ZOOM into my expression and show u how well i am as an actress. haha!

^^ a natural actress! hehe!

^^LOOK AT MY SKINNY ARM!~!! i swear there is no photoshop edit or watsoever. i was shocked when i 1st saw this picture as well. everyone, including the mother of mine who looks at me everyday, is harping that i have slimmed down alot, and that's supposed to be terrible. i know i had but i didnt expect it to be so goddamn obvious till i turned shocked when i saw this picture. is really ermm.. obvious.

after that, i met fairytale for a buffet dinner. Senki Jap Restrn at Killiney Road. hmm.. nice atmosphere but well, i dont like jap food la, so my comments should be rather subjective since i wont like them in the 1st place. but well, jiawei said he will be back there, so i guess u guys can go and have a try.

^^ i love their pork slices with golden mushrooms!! i had 6 pieces!! is just so nice!! chawanmushi is another jap food that is totally out of my list. i dont like the feeling of stuffing egg into my food. i am not an eggy person. hehe!

yaya, despite saying i am not an eggy person, but i order Tamago coz is written "sweet egg omelette". ENDED UP IS A HANDROLL~!! i seriously hate it! this is the 1st handroll i had in my life. i almost fainted when i saw this Tamago and i wanted to deny from ordering it but whole table pointing at me. (-_-").. NO HANDROLL NEXT TIME. PLEASE STOP ME IF I EVER MAKE SUCH A MISTAKE AGAIN!! *lolZ*

^^the Not-Bad dishes - cold & hot soba, black pepper chicken and fried dumplings.

^^ So-So Dishes - Jiawei likes the cheese fries, stir-fried beef not bad, i like the kimchi pork & nobody likes the beansprouts!

^^ My Hate-Dishes - Tofu, unagi sushi, shiitake (no seasonings) & tofu agaiN!

^^ Big Prawn.. complimentary dish. NICE!

^^ RAW RAW RAW~i tried them all though, except for the sushi. hehe! i am a brave girl. :)

^^rice & noodles. only the unagi fried rice is nice. MUST TRY!!

^^The Norm - teriyaki chickens, fried veggies, chicken wings & tempura.

next we headed to Swensen for dessert. arghz~ double hates in a day! :(

and coz i really hate swensen, i dont see why i should post any pics of theirs here. even their ice blended horrified me!!

^^ Husband and Wife

^^Future Husband and Wife.. *lolZ*

^^The Birthday Girls

^^ FairyTale ^_^

Lastly.. CAREBEAR IS LOOKING AT US!! *lolZ*

亲爱的朋友

2008-10-01T23:23:00.001+08:00

我觉得我真得很笨，笨得可以。

友谊，到底有多可贵？

我很重视友谊，因为对我而言，朋友是一辈子的事。但最近。。我有了新的领悟。

我发现，再亲的朋友。。她也会为了男朋友而舍弃你。

亲爱的朋友，我知道你的时间不多；分给家人、学业、工作。。你也没多少时间可以分给你的男朋友了。。更何况是我这位朋友。身为你的朋友，我能了解但无法释怀。。所以才上来这里打打字。。

以前，你曾对我说过类似的话：“朋友比较重要，男朋友有没有都无所谓。就算有男朋友也要有自己的时间和朋友出去。”

但现在，你好像往自己的脸上打。

我是和你男朋友谈得来啦。。但约你出门，你也要叫你男朋友来的话。。是想要我充当电灯泡为你们打亮吗？

亲爱的朋友，我真的了解你时间不够。。但如果是这样，当初何必夸下海口说这种话？对你来说，可能没什么。。但我却因为你说出这样的话而感动。。我却因为你说出这样的话而坚定地告诉自己，我也要这么为你。那。。是我的错？

友谊的长久，就是含有很多的差异、误解、包容、谅解。。不管发生什么事，只要一通电话，我们马上出现。需要我们时，我们一定会在。这是我的承诺。这就是友谊真正的意义。

亲爱的朋友。。我相信你和他可以走到结婚的那一天。。我当然也很期待，因为我们都知道。。他很好，他是个你可以托付终生的人。。

别忘了，我们一直都在。。:)

歌：萧敬腾 - 原谅我

2008-09-18T20:56:00.003+08:00

萧敬腾 - 原谅我

请不要分了以後还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久已不属於我
默默低头那时我很多话梗在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐不是我爱太多想太多
我能感受他比我适合
爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口好让你离开我
请原谅我好想自私将你占有
一个寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活

请不要分了以後还记得亲吻过的承诺
你的永久已不属於我
默默低头那时我很多话梗在喉咙
你的笑你的快乐不是我爱太多想太多
我能感受他比我适合
爱放了手我伪装冷漠比你先说分手

请原谅我原谅我不成熟
不爱你是藉口好让你离开我
请原谅我好想自私将你占有
一个寂寞就给我承受换你过更好的生活
爱过恨过哭过也笑过
亲吻过你的脆弱
其实我比谁都要懦弱

原谅我必须假装爱错
别让时间倒流我怕说不出口
原谅我没有解释太多心痛
别无所求彻底忘了我爱原来要舍得
我难过
我才懂

歌：张栋梁 - 不甘示弱

2008-09-18T20:56:00.002+08:00

张栋梁 - 不甘示弱

清晨的路口还有你的面容
其实我还是不懂到底哪里出了错
紧握的双手现在选择沉默
忍不住想挽留话却说不出口
一时的勇气抹不掉伤心回忆
我以为我了解你

该离开的人是我
我竟然还手足无措
太倔强的我还企图装洒脱
自从你离开以后
爱你的眼泪很寂寞
习惯你的我习惯不自由

付出了太多平衡不了是我
手心手背都是肉怎么错的都是我
你用了冷漠狠狠的错怪我
是你欺骗了我我不能先低头
一时的勇气抹不掉伤心回忆
我以为我拥有你

该离开的人是我
我竟然还手足无措
太倔强的我还企图装洒脱
自从你离开以后
爱你的眼泪很寂寞
习惯你的我习惯不自由

没有用的人是我
都怪我太不甘示弱
即使舍不得让你一个人走
自从你离开以后
我选择在原地守候
失去我才懂是我不成熟
都怪我自己太不甘示弱

ANDY LAU~!! HERE I COME~!!

2008-09-09T22:40:00.003+08:00

6th sense tells me that Andy Lau is not stopping at only a day for his concert in Singapore. so when i got to know that $198 tix is COMPLETELY sold out for 12 Dec, i decided not to settle for any other categories. i waited. thanks God that my 6th sense is right, and so he is having another concert on 13 Dec.. but by the time i called up Sistic, $198 is completely sold out once again!!!!! IDIOT~!!

despite the fact that my 6th sense tells me that he will addon another 100 seats that kind of thing maybe 1 - 2 weeks prior to his actual concert, but i decided not to risk la~ so i got the tix at $178.. which is kind of maddening lor.. since i am the kind who will want to get the best seats (read: most expensive) for concert. best or none, is either la~ hehe!

enough of my craps for this moment. let me present to you - The Tickets!!!!!!

a close up, in case you cant see them clearly.. haha! i am just hao lian-in~~

oh.. guess who i am going with?!!? NOT HIM, u better shut up if thats your guess.

i am going with my ex-colleague - Elizabeth.. yes, Noel.. i am going to the concert with Birdie~ you are not reading it wrong!! haha!

i started off as on a rather bad term with Eliz coz i was practically shooting, yelling, scolding her initially when she 1st joined. things started getting better though but people can feel that we do have that kind of distance la.. afterall, i started off as a nasty person, and to me, she is annoying. haha! oops, i am sorry~ but well, i guess things are picking up and hmm.. well, she is in fact a nice person la.. which means all along, i am the BAD one lor? *lolZ* wateva~

ANDY LAU~!! HERE I COME~!!

这是成长

2008-09-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

有人说的一句话，一直盘旋在我脑海中。。

“只要你有从中领悟，这就不是失败，而是成长。”

每天，我都会一直想很多。。甚至把几百年前的事也翻出来想了一遍又一遍。因为，我真的想彻底地知道，哪里错了？何时的想法是错的？眼前的事，眼前的错。。难道就只是拘束在眼前吗？我不相信。

我不是想把眼前的错赖去几百年前。。但我始终觉得两者不是没有关联的。。

一个人失败，若真的领悟了。。为什么之后还是失败一次、两次、甚至三次？

从发生的事情身上，看清楚错误在哪里。。一切没有错的地方都应该保留；唯一要纠正、要改变的，只有那错误。对吗？

但我却为了不想让历史重演，把之前的对错一栟封闭起来。
错的，因为我的封闭。。错得更离谱。。
对的，因为我的封闭。。也都变成了错。。

所以，问题真的出现在我身上。原来，我早被看穿了。。只是我根本不知道。。

我一直以为，几百年前的事。。它是个成长，而非失败。
我以为我领悟了什么。。但其实最后我只是认清了他这个人。
为了他，我穿上了防弹衣。。为了只是不想受伤。。但之后的人，都已经不是他了，不是吗？那为什么还要穿防弹衣啊?
那感情失败。。造就了失败，而非成长。
因为我没从那失败中正确地成长，所以造就了之后所有的失败。。
如果是成长，何来这么多的失败？

现在，我曾以为是个失败，我不想从中成长。
但原来。。这是个成长，而非失败。
时间可以证明，这是个成长。
我一定会过得比以前更好。:)

i am loved, and i should be thankful..

2008-08-30T10:43:00.004+08:00

went to Guang Ming Shan Temple with my y.bro last Sat. he reached home rather early, so i suggested and being a super easy going person, he agreed immediately. so off we went~

Guang Ming Shan is really big.. and they have one whole section for those praying of Gods whereby each different God actually resides in their own 'home'. the whole structure seems very much like walking into an ancient palace. the grass are well groomed and green. is really nice, i must say!

de 'Guan Yin' is really eye-catching and TALL~ so i snapped a pic of it.

those little rockies are ermm.. baby monks??

that's all for last wk. met elynn and lee lee for dinner on Thursday. is nice to see them. oh gosh~ i really miss sanford and as time passes with me getting used to my current job, i cant help but compared both companies, then i began to wonder, why the hell i left sanford. is a bad feeling and i must get rid of it. :(

after the meeting, i went over elynn's hse to get some things she said are meant for me.

cheryl just back from bangkok, so i got a share in the gifts as well~!! hehe!

de blue teddy bear thingy is a toothbrush casing and de pink hello kitty is a specs casing. lucky for me tat my BIG~ sunglasses can fit in nicely. Thanks Ah Bu~ :)

elynn bought me a box of chocz. WAHAHA~! she told me she bought it that night and the next day, noel actually passed her a box of chocz as well, so is very much of a coincidence. de chocz has a little taste of cherries, i dont know why.. but is nice!! hehe! Thanks Elynn~ :)

and so.. this is the box of chocz noel bought for me. is bitter, i like!! when 1st taste, i seem to have found the long lost feeling of bitter chocz.. since i havent been buying chocz and the rest are not really the bitter kind. i love dark chocz~ they can cure me.. Thanks Noel ~ :)

as the weeks pass, i begin to see that i am in fact loved by many, even if he left me. though he left me, the world is not gone (maybe partially gone. haha!)

dedicating the below section to people i really want to thank for during this period. please dont think i am trying to show off or consoling myself ok. they are the people who make everything look brighter, who show me i am not alone. i also want to do my part as a friend for ya all~!!

elynn, leelee and noel had stood by me during the period of time, providing free counselling. esp elynn coz we are able to talk very openly and freely about things, and she did share her views with me, analysing the whole situation and stuffs like that. and coz they are our common friends, i tend to take in their words seriously since they will be able to relate better with the fact that they know both parties. comments that other people made, i may give benefits of doubt since they dont know him and his personality. so to me, they are just generalizing, unlike noel, leelee and elynn.

the person who stood by me through the whole 'event' is charlene ba~ all my weeping, sobbing, woes, sorrows.. whatever you can think of, it all goes to her. it must be so annoying of me. *lolZ*

when things happen, i did not tell princess anything coz she was preparing for her sista and bf's bday kind of mood. that must be very jovial, so i didnt want to crush her with such news. but when she got to know about it, she also spared her time out to meet me up and see how i am, etc. we even went spa massage recently!! spendthrift me~ :x

my wifey, whom i shared the same plight as her eventually. we stood by each other during the bad times, and is just as nice to have her around accompanying me. she can understand how i feel in this whole thing.

not forgetting leti, huiling, ah bu cheryl, effa, eunice, vicy, jennifer who also showered me with concerns every now and then during that period of time.

oh yes, and finally my family.. who kept siding me (since i am the only daughter) and telling me that he doesnt understand me at all. in the 1st place, they are not really supportive for this relationship, 2 neutral votes and 2 objection votes. but they respect my decision in being with him. so i reckon they will be the happiest people when this relationship ended but then the saddest as well when they see their own daughter behaving like an abnormal zombie. nonetheless, they are constantly 'monitoring' me at home and end their pointless judgements.

i am loved and i should be thankful.. thanks people, i love ya all too :)

black Monday

2008-08-25T14:16:00.000+08:00

I thought I wont be able to make it to work today.

Is really scary though thinking it back.

As usual, I was on my way to work in the bus and reading a book. And as usual, I started to feel tired.. so I actually rested my eyes. But when I opened my eyes, I experienced difficulty in breathing. Then what come into my vision are black patches and they seem to magnify. So I shut my eyes immediately and took deep breath, telling myself that I am going to be alright, even though I can feel myself fainting very soon. I opened my eyes once again and this time, the black patches covered almost 80% of my vision. I was really scared and I really don’t want to faint in the bus. So I alighted at the coming bus stop. With only 20% of my vision clear, I made my way out (lucky I was near the exit) and sat at the bus stop. I can feel my bones turning cold and I was in complete cold sweat. I swear my face is really pale even though I hadn’t seen it myself.

I started taking in breaths and regulate my breathing momentum. Most people should know that I always face difficulty breathing at times. Seriously, I wonder is it really due to my narrow windpipe as according to the doctor?

When my breathing turned normal, my vision slowly regained.

Then I picked myself up to take the next bus and reached my company.

I was really scared back then. Is scary to faint in front of so many strangers. I don’t want to shock anybody lor..

I almost wanted to make a call but I hold myself.

Is time to be strong, to be back to your old self, to be alone.. I told myself..

努力再努力

2008-08-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

回读我以前所写的，我发现。。以前所领悟的。。突然完全消失了。。感觉上，好像以前写的，根本就没一回事似的。

读着读着。。我被以前的我。。感染了。。不是说以前的我，很厉害到可以感染现在的我。只是。。如果以前的我，可以这么想，为什么现在的我就不行呢？？为什么现在的我，要一直沉浸在悲伤里，久久无法振作起来呢？？

以前领悟到的，它必然还活在我里面。。只是被我不小心地遗忘了。。
以前的笑容，它离开了我好一阵子了；我脸上好久好久都没挂上笑容了。
我一直想回到最初的自己；但我发现我还是在和过去比较，一直抱以“如果还没分手”的种种。。这样的我，几时才可以重新活过来？？几时才能回到最初的自己？？

现在还在学习的阶段，所以我想我也没办法说服自己那所谓的“人生大道理”。。纵然听了很多，但想真正学会放下，这还有一段路吧。。

放过自己，也放过别人。
这是我唯一能催眠自己的。。

如果当初可以，现在一定也可以；努力多一点点，就什么都没问题了。

recent updates

2008-08-20T22:19:00.006+08:00

coz i cant upload pics from my hp into my pc using the bluetooth, i have to wait till i bring my USB cable home.. so as to present this entry :)

last Thursday was terrible in the office. my tears literally dripped like a spoilt tap water.. everyone thought i was feeling GODDAMN sick. i actually asked for a day off on Friday, since i dont have the kind of mood to work. no point wasting their money and my time.

so i met yanying on friday morning and we went to changi village. they got a beach lookalike but in kelong style and that is another fave spot of mine.

unfortunately when we attempted to rest.. we saw this BIG lizard~ i think is ermm.. iguana??

anyway, after that, we went to Changi Airport T3. seriously, that is a very important place in my heart, coz that's the place i have always longed to go with him, for a stroll or something. weirdo me~ but last time, he always brought me to T1..

then i met up with cheryl and noel for dinner. some talks to be done but i think was just so crowded i didnt have the right mood to say anything. they handed me a can of abalone, saying that it was the seventh month praying items for SHR.

and they also handed me a uniform. yeah! SHR has finally got its VERY OWN UNIFORM!! look so pro can? but then again, i think is kinda too big for ALL of us.

when i get a chance to wear this uniform, i will take a pic of myself and post it here. *lolZ*
which reminds me.. NOEL ahh.. can u take an individual pic of everyone in the uniform? i want to see wor.. haha!

met princess on Monday and she got me some chocz.. aww.. so sweet.. it has been a long time since people buy me chocz.. the last time he bought me a BIG box but i rejected that. thinking back, that's the last time he bought me chocz.. and i thought there will be plenty of chances in future.

还在学着放下。。

2008-08-17T17:51:00.000+08:00

亲爱的。。我很想你。。

我相信你，所以我相信你的决定。

弟弟说，如果后悔，也轮不到我。。因为不是我提出的。。
虽然我不知道你怎么想，但我希望你不会后悔。。虽然不是我提的，但这样的结果是我逼出来的。所以，后悔的只有我一个人。

谢谢你的离开。
因为你不需要再受我的气；因为你不需要再想着我们的未来、我们的差距。
如果你没离开，我想我还是会继续给你苦日子。。你或许还是会继续不开心。。

对不起，我忘了。。原来我只要给予一成的付出，你会回我两成的付出。
对不起，我忘了。。没有什么争执比幸福还重要。
对不起，我忘了。。我答应你，要和你走到未来。

我相信，现在的分离，是要让我学着更懂得珍惜。
我相信，现在的分离，是要让我知道，你有多重要。

如果有一天，我们还会在一起。。我相信现在的分离，会带来更多的了解、更坚固的感情。。

现在，我只能学着放下。放下了再重新面对。

未来是个未知数，没有人可以预言。
但只要相信，它就有成真的一天。

bad girl

2008-08-17T17:34:00.005+08:00

my brain has gone dead for de past few days. things i can recall are memories, my faults.. perhaps it is really destined as i realized there were so many chances given to avoid tis break up but i didnt grab hold of.

dont ask me what i want to do, what i want to eat, where i want to go.. coz most of the times, i will stone and say i dont know.

in my eyes, there is only emptiness.
in my soul, there is only emptiness.
but in my heart, it is brimming with heartache and more heartache.
in my mind, i can feel that it is congested with all sorts of reasons, just to convince myself to move on.

people had been telling me that since it is only 3 weeks, i should be able to let go easily, much easier then. but how am i to let go when i havent tried my best to put myself in this relationship? but again, who am i to ask for a second chance? who am i not to let go? yet i simply cant let go..

it has been a long time since i feel my heart shrinking, being squeezed every second. im so afraid to sleep now, coz whenever i wake up.. the 1st thing that comes to my mind is that we had broken up. i hate dawn now as it constantly serves to remind me of the happiness that i didnt treasure. every day the cycle repeats. i will convince myself to move on though i really seem like a walking zombie now. but then i fail everyday and start missing him again. then i start to hate myself and all the fucking psychological barriers inside me. why am i caring so much for those asshole barriers when happiness is right in front of me? and now.. i can only blame myself for losing the happiness that once belonged to me.

i wont be able to mature now and overnight. i will still be the childish me who cried in the blankets so often and blamed myself. coz right now, it is too difficult to accept the reality.
then i will have to pick myself up and start leading the life i used to be in.
after getting into my normal life, i believe i have grown into another person.

as much as i hope to tell him to wait for me to mature, but then that is a really selfish thought.
if he finds a nice girl to spend his time/life with, i think that is really much more worthwhile than waiting for a bad girl like me.

bad girl doesnt deserve happiness. bad girl deserves to lose her appetite and turn into a leaf, then she will get blown off by the wind and fall into a canal.. and then, she will sail alone in her life. bad girl deserves to be alone, forever, always.

结束了。。

2008-08-14T00:45:00.000+08:00

一切都结束了。我的心还在隐隐作痛。。

一个月前的今天，是我们第一次牵手。
一个月后的今天，我们正式分手了。

虽然我总觉得你来，只是想听我说，但心已决。。可是我还是抱着一丝挽回的希望。。刚走在你旁边时，我很想对你说：“可以牵手吗？” 但我看着你，眼神中有了距离。所以我什么都没说。。

我其实还有很多话想对你说。。但当你说，你已经掀底牌了，就是当朋友。。我什么都不敢说，因为我真得很担心，我们连朋友都当不成。

交谈中，我隐藏得很好吧？我想留在你身边，所以我只能抑制自己的情绪，故作镇定地尽显“朋友”本色。

喜欢一个人，不是要祝他幸福，而是要给他幸福。。
在过去几天里，我真的下了很大的决心，我要给你幸福。
我看见了我们的未来，我想真心付出。。我想努力经营这段感情。
但当你说，你看不见我们的未来时，我不敢承诺你，因为我知道你不会相信。。你说没被针刺过不懂痛，但我真的愿意被刺痛，你相信吗？如果看见未来的是你，那针算什么？但我没说出心里话。因为我担心太坚持，你真的会决定连朋友都别当了。。

从我们因为考试而没见面的第一天起，我每天都会想着，考完试见到你，我第一件要做的事，就是紧紧地抱住你。。因为我真的很想念你。刚才，我也想这么做了。。但既然说是朋友，我也没有理由再去抱你。

未来的日子里，希望我们真的是朋友。。希望能常常见到你。
因为说真的，每天没见到你或听到你的声音，对我来说都是一种煎熬。

** 随风而去，不是让一切成为过去。它真正的意思是，我想随着你去。。不管哪里。。

以前到现在的感觉，一直都没变。。

2008-08-11T22:27:00.000+08:00

小宇 - 唯一的唯一

一样自己走在回家的路
却突然发现自己有些孤独
天空下有几颗脆弱的心
找寻着那双共鸣的眼睛
我怀疑一直在等待的人
真的就是你

直到看着星星想到你
望着太阳想到你
少了你会莫名的空虚
我才终于开始去相信
是谁出现在梦裡
而你就是唯一的唯一

直到看着电视想到你
望着大海想到你
少了你我呼吸没力气
最后确定我已爱上你
想抱紧你在怀裡
让我们的眼神永远坚定不移

曾经害怕温暖喜欢寒冬
却突然发现自己与众不同
天空下有几颗脆弱的心
找寻着那双共鸣的眼睛
我怀疑一直在等待的人
真的就是你

直到看着星星想到你
望着太阳想到你
少了你会莫名的空虚
我才终于开始去相信
是谁出现在梦裡
而你就是唯一的唯一

直到看着电视想到你
望着大海想到你
少了你我呼吸没力气
最后确定我已爱上你
想抱紧你在怀裡
让我们的眼神永远坚定不移

又是歌。。我心声的歌

2008-08-09T21:37:00.001+08:00

小宇 - 终于说出口

你终于说出口
其实你早就已经不爱我
为什么要低著头
你知道这玩笑骗不倒我
可是这不是玩笑
是要逃避你离开我的理由

我还能做什么你已经不爱我
我一直都爱著你难道这还不够
我还要做什么你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看著我
一心想离开我

我终于也说出口
其实很爱你但从没认真说过
或许是我的错
多在乎你却只放在心中
不要问我为什么
因为爱你这就是我的理由

我还能做什么你已经不爱我
我一直都爱著你难道这还不够
我还要做什么你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看著我

没什么需要被原谅
我笑得有些牵强
你知道我总是能够假装不难过
OH 不想看你那么累
多希望再给我机会
颤抖著我的手握住的只是风

还能做什么你已经不爱我
我一直都爱著你难道这还不够
我还要做什么你才不离开我
我知道你已无心再继续看著我
一心想离开我

it has been so long

2008-07-29T15:54:00.001+08:00

It has been a long time since I last blogged. In fact, this entry is typed by me in office and during lunch time. After which I get lene to publish it for me. *lolZ*

I am well and safe now in my supposed-to-be location – Chai Chee since 14 July 2008. Environment not bad.. but there is still ample of room for improvement on the people here. Before coming over, depot colleagues told me abt de quietness here and yes, I admit tat to a certain extent, is overly quiet. On an average, there are only 4 colleagues (including me) around unlike in depot where we can easily have 7 people moving around. Is juz so much livelier then. But well, who cares? Im seated rite behind, facing my pc screen evday and doin my wrk.. lucky tat I got my radio with me, for as long as there is music, I dun think quietness poses a prob to me. I dun mind not talking la.. afterall, I got nth to say to them.. waahahaa!

Exams starting soon, with my 1st paper next Monday (04 Aug 2008) and another one on 13 Aug. dunno why but esp when exams are drawing near.. I suddenly feel like I hvnt been meetin lotsa my frenz.. I miss so many ppl~!! *lolZ* not gng to name in case I miss out any1 by negligence. *lolZ*

Studying for my papers become exceptionally tiring rite now, since I am waking up at 545am everyday and reaching home at around 730pm (earliest). I wish I have more time for studies, I wish I can take leaves to study for my papers.. HAIZ~~~ is so taxing for me.. i am tryin very hard to memorize but seriously, wazz absorbed is very minimal and this is stressing me out.. I need to score well for these 2 papers as well~!! I dun want anymore stains to my transcript!!

To my God: Please look after me and my grades.. J

P/S: My HR Director said a sentence that really enlightens me – “HR represents the management to the employees. And we also represent the employees to the superiors.”

如果

2008-07-06T00:13:00.000+08:00

人生不如意的事，十之八九。

现在，人生真的没有如意。

泪水在打滚，你难道没发现吗？

我以为你会懂，但为什么感觉不到？

令我没有安全感的，不会是因为你身边的蝴蝶。
令我没有安全感的，是你对我脾气的限度。

但如果心情不好，却还强颜欢笑。。这样的我，你是不是比较能接受？如果是的话，就请你放手吧~ 因为我办不到。。

我不是想逼你容忍我的脾气，但一开始，你应该就已经知道这样的我。

在放手时，请你告知一声。不然我会傻傻地在状况外。

谢谢。。

life is shit

2008-07-05T23:45:00.003+08:00

life hasnt been smooth sailin.. thus i guess my mood wont be able to reli settled down as well.. most of de time, i choose to keep mute abt my job.. coz i thot tazz juz lidat when u get into a new job.. im expectin de WORST outta evthin, so i got no complaints abt it. i feel tat i haf been brave for de past 1 mth but it seems like my energy is rather exhausted rite now..

i entered de coy, only to realize tat they had put me to get in another job (still a HR admin though).. despite feelin deceived, i gladly agreed since is all abt a job.. i nid de exposure, tazz all.. and de processes are de same, so i dun reli mind.. they said im to rotate among de various spectrums in HR, so as to beta understand wat ev1 is doin.. but seriously, tat didnt come true.. and im glad also la.. coz i learn by hands-on.. anyway, de ger went on study leaves and after tat, she went on continuous MC due to her backbone havin some probs.. and since i stepped in, i haf been takin care of her things. so in a way, i wasnt touchin on de things i shld be pickin up frm de position they initially wanted me to. and NOW~ coz another ger is resignin.. they decide to put me into her position~!! tazz infuriatin.. coz i STRONGLY feel tat her position is of a lower status and 1 of my colleague assured me tat they wont put me in coz for tat position, they dun require some1 of my caliber.. SO RITE NOW, WAZZ MY CALIBER~!??

i told my HR mgr tat im not gng to settle down w/ tat position for permanent. if they nid some1 to be there for temp, im ok.. since i can learn and i dun mind helpin out~ but seriously, as long as they are unable to produce me w/ a deadline after 1mth, i will not hesitate to tender. by puttin me in tat position, i feel utterly insulted and tis reli affects my integrity as well. i move outta my comfort zone to gain exposure and now~ wazz de exposure tat they are offerin me?? BEING HIGH UP THERE DOESNT MEAN PPL DOWN THERE ARE NOT HUMANS~ i cant take it lor..

i controlled my tears so hard on friday.. so many times, i felt my tears gatherin but i bit my lips and held it there.. i dun wana fake a smile, but neither do i wana cry and make ppl worried.. im so hard to please~~ tis is a rough patch in my life but it seems like u cant understand..

不希望你说。。

2008-06-10T00:57:00.001+08:00

讨厌这种感觉。

我知道我想过的，我相信你也有想过。。

我们应该都相信。。我们是无法在一起的吧？所以一直不肯面对。。那些问题就好像是为了我们而存在。。别人应该也经历过吧。。但可以不要发生在我身上吗？我根本不懂得怎么面对。。我甚至不想去面对。。

我怕失去你；也怕失去我的家人，朋友，还有这里的一切。。

你说你是在为我想，所以情愿什么都不说。
其实，不用你说，我也猜到了。。我也知道你是在为我著想。

当局者迷，旁观者清。
但在这里，我们俩却看得比谁都清楚。
他们无法真正了解其中的问题。。老是觉得问题还很遥远，我们不需要想这么多。
我担心啊。。就真的有这么一天，我们走得这么远。。到时，该怎么办？

我一直相信，有一天当你决定开口时。。你已经想好我们未来的路该怎么走。。

i am here!!

2008-06-07T11:08:00.002+08:00

Finally im startin to adapt to my new company, as in im able to eat.. though not alot but at least noe.. food can go in w/o me feelin like i wana vomit~ They are reli nice ppl and so far, I dun think there are politics la.. but of coz I still miss my ‘family’.

It has been quite a terrible wk for me initially. I actually cried and cant eat anything at all.. everyday is quite a daze but im definitely tryin v hard to absorb all tat they are teachin. So far, I think evthin still under ctrl since im not assigned to my job scope yet. But I guess they realize tat I haf been sms-in too much? Office hrs is BORING w/o MSN lehz~~ *lolZ*

Went back last Sat to visit SHR. Is nice to see those familiar faces and get de familiar touch of environment. Yaya~ I noe la.. u ppl must be thinking tat im crazy and emotional~ *lolZ*

I trust my own God a lot. And I realize my own God actually dotes on me a lot. Hmm.. maybe de worse has yet to come, maybe my decision is a mistake but who cares?

At least rite now, I feel tat it is reli lucky of me to be able to go into a not-bad environment and once again, haf nice ppl ard me..

de farewell

2008-05-30T22:46:00.011+08:00

de day came when i hafta bid goodbye...

b4 de day comes.. i actually hurried myself off to get some lil presents for them.. it was indeed a busy wk for me then.. i personalized 2 mugs for my bosses.. big boss nids a mug badly.. but i dun think he will use tat mug la.. haha! and y.boss.. he is far too rich le la.. dunno wat to get for him~ *lolZ* btw, de handwritin is solely written by yours truly.. *bow*

y.boss = Mr Chong............. big boss = Mr Lam..............

and de chocz i got for my office darlings~~ left: before processing ......... rite: completed

and a lil hp chain each for special ppl who share frenzhip w/ me in de coy..

since it looks like it comes as a set.. elynn got 1 for me as well~ but as compared w/ theirs, mine looks not tat nice lehz.. but wat matter most is de affinity we share ma.. rite?

i didnt spend alot as compared to them.. my office darlings (wow~ they all got a new namin le.. *lolZ*) reli bombed me w/ their expensive gifts lehz..

1st on de shelf since it is de earliest gift i recd.. frm my y.boss - a 8GB iPod Touch.

bein a very sweet~ boss all along, he even got me a nice pouch to put my iTouch. i rem envyin wu jie for havin some1 to sponsor such gadgets to her.. and now i got it!! is reli amazin how it actually lands in my hand.. sth i nv dream of ownin~ *lolZ*

things started to get more kuazhang when i saw de Jimmy series wallet which noel & cheryl got for me!! is another brand i like and haf always thot of ownin a wallet frm tat series.. even though i dun like de buckle coz it seems bulky.. but still~ is another item i will wana get.. since nowadays, wallets reli come in ugly designs.. *lolZ*

then de SCARIEST thing happens when i peeped into de paperbag and found tat mh actually got me a FOSSIL watch!! a watch is no big deal~ a fossil watch may also be not a big deal to u~~ but is HELL of a BIG DEAL to me!! coz i haf been wantin to get a Fossil watch since maybe 4yrs ago.. but i got myself a Guess watch instead simply coz de salespax is TOO NICE.. i vowed tat i muz get myself a Fossil watch next time. so when i saw tis Fossil tin, i was overjoyed~!!

i hafta admit tat when i 1st saw de watch.. i cannot understand why it is 1 of de Fossil watches tat i miss out.. and i dun think it looks nice.. maybe coz i dun like subdials & ya.. some other factors.. so i actually 'criticized'.. SO BAD ME~ but well~ over de days, it turns out tat i like it more and more.. i sincerely think is a nice lookin watch~ hehe!

elynn and lee lee got me a Swarovski necklace w/ pendant.. simple and nth fanciful.. is de kind whereby i will wear evday~ hehe! and i am wearin it evday ah!!! elynn said she cant feel tat im happy receivin it.. oh well~ remind me of de time lene they all bought me a big teddy bear.. *lolZ* im happy la~ i juz dunno how to react, tazz all~ haha!

cindy and liu jie got me a make up base.. hmm.. maybe i do nid a replacement..

buffet dinner at Swissotel Merchant Court. EXPENSIVE LEHZ~!! 12 of us went!! and y.boss opened up a bottle of red wine.. he said i muz finish de glass so tat i cant go to de new coy to wrk de nxt day~ *lolZ*

big boss and me.. even though at times, he is always rantin behind me to cheryl/whoeva.. but i haf always regarded him as a 'grandpa' of mine.. coz tazz de only way i wont get angry w/ him.. *lolZ* he has been nice to me la.. since my wrk is not under his supervision.. wahaha!

my y.boss!! my hand was actually displayed to help him hide his stomach lehz~!! *lolZ* like i always say.. he seems to be a reincarnation of some Gods.. too kind hearted le la~!!

me w/ cheryl (left) and noel (right). noe them since de 1st day i stepped into shr and de last day i stepped out. they haf always been tolerantin my bad temper and black face.. hmm~ in fact, de whole office is toleranting!!! *lolZ*

me w/ elynn (left) and lee lee (right).. my all-time fave lunch kakis whereby we spend times gossipin and crackin lame jokes.. *lolZ*

me w/ richard, our part time despatch.. a man of few words but very accomodating and hilarious when it comes to takin pics!

me w/ liu jie & cindy.. our 2 sales rep.. i didnt reli interact w/ them la.. since they joined us quite late and my wrk doesnt require constant liaising w/ them.. hehe!

a grp pic w/ many ppl missin~!!

文章：造物主的智慧

2008-05-25T01:30:00.001+08:00

书名：一笑天下无难事
作者：何权峰

~ 或许你现在无法明白，但请相信任何发生的事，都是最好的安排。

有一个哲学家想要改变世界，他认为上帝犯了很多错误，他应该在创造世界之前想得周到一点。

有一天，当他躺在草地上沉思，有只鸟飞过去，同时有母牛在他的旁边吃草。

“看，” 他自言自语：“这又是自然的一个错误！母牛对人类非常有用，却必须在路上拖着走，而小鸟对人类根本没有什么用，却能够在天上飞，来去自如!”

就在那时候，上方有一只鸟大便在他头上。

凡事自有天意，上天的安排都有他的智慧，或许你现在无法明白，但请相信任何发生在你身上的事，都是最好的安排。

有个人躺在南瓜田中一棵高大的橡树下，思索着造物主的智慧。他喃喃自语道：“大家都认为，大自然的每个创造物背后都隐藏着智慧；但是在这片南瓜田中，我看得非常清楚，却没有发现其中有任何智慧。橡树有一根粗状雄伟的树干，可笑的是，结的果实是如此地小；再看南瓜这种植物，枝干那么小，结的果实却是那么硕大。造物主在这世上可能搞错了。”

当他正在思索这件事，陷入半梦半醒之际，忽然一阵风从巨大的橡树顶上吹落一颗橡栗，橡栗正好落在他的鼻子上。那个人揉揉疼痛的鼻子，突然领悟了，他大叫道：“现在，我了解造物主的智慧了。”

文章：吃第九个包子就好

2008-05-21T23:12:00.002+08:00

书名：一笑天下无难事
作者：何权峰

~ 没有前面的迷失，就没有后面的觉悟。

有个乞丐，饿了多日，遇到一个好心人，送了他一笼热腾腾的包子。
他拿起包子就狼吞虎咽地拼命吃。由于饿了很多天，而包子的味道又是那么香，他一直吃到第九个包子，才觉得心满意足。

终于他抹了嘴，看到所剩不多的包子，心中觉得很懊恼：“早知道我只要吃第九个包子就好了，还可以省下八个呢！”

“早知道。。。我就。。。”当事情发生了，我们总习惯这么说。我们常会后悔过去自己做了某个决定，这种想法开始就是个错误。

因为当你说“早知道”的时候，就表示你之前并不知道，对吗？既然不知道，你能怎么样？你能对一件根本不知道的事怎么样？

事实上，没有前面的迷失，就没有后面的觉悟；没有前面的失败，就没有后面的成功；没有前面的包子，就没有后面的饱足。

所以，前面那“八个包子”是不可少的，因为“早知道”那时并“没吃到”，你怎么可能“没有吃”就饱呢？

Ms Teo, I Hate You

2008-05-15T23:35:00.004+08:00

i think im tryin too hard to stay normal. but it juz doesnt help.. i still wept eventually when i plugged in my earfones and retreat into my own world, as wat i thot so. weepin in front of de pc is a terrible helpless feelin.. de cold monitor cant console me.

i never expect myself to stay so calm & act like nothin happened when de news released, i never never expected tat. nobody died, dun let ur thots run wild.

i was in a clear state of mind, anxious to find out wat actually happened.. de full story and reason behind it. i simply cant believe wat de truth has laid.. when tomorrow comes, we all learnt that wat had happened is not a dream/nitemare, but a reality.

despite de fact tat all of us noe tat tis day will come 1 fine day and we at times do find it unbearable to tolerate, but we are afterall humans with flesh and blood.. so we merely complain & u noe.. MORE COMPLAINS. but tat doesnt spell hatred. so now i realize.. i do care.. even though it may seems like i dun.

i left with a name for myself; you left with none.

partial tears go to myself.

i seriously hate myself for not havin a drivin license.

i hate myself for not bein able to stay longer, to tide over tis sad period..

i hate myself for not bein able to help, not in de near future soon..

i hate de me who seems to be standin outside de circle watchin evthin happen, heart shattered at every scene; helplessly watchin evthin happen. i wish i can reach in to provide an additional source of light.. i noe im needed but i cant do anythin.

i tried to think of ways, to wrk out a nice 1 hopefully for me and my coy.. but nth seems to wrk.. coz im limited.. i cant possibly give up my new job.. i cant delay my day of wrk coz i tried.. b4 signing de appt letter, i actually requested them for me to serve 2 mths' notice but they refused.. and i signed de letter still.

im always feelin helpless..

I FUCKIN HELL HATE MYSELF NOW..

happy mother's day

2008-05-10T23:43:00.003+08:00

had a family dinner juz now w/ my aunts & grandmas as usual..

tis yr is abit diff coz we actually stepped into PAP's organized activity, so is liked we had our dinner under those tents w/ a getai rite in front.. got lucky draw and we won ourselves de 2nd prize and 7th prize - Hyundai Toaster Oven & Hyundai Home Theatre System. dun wah~~ de home theatre system is not those exp kind la.. *lolZ*

tis yr turned out abit special coz i juz haf tis thot of gettin flower for de mothers.

bein MY mother, she got 3 stalks of carnations.. haha!

while my aunts and 2 grandmas had 1 stalk each.. photo not reli well taken coz hmm.. im not good with flowers.. haha!

not forgettin another 2 young aunts of mine who juz got married in not long ago and thus, yet to become mothers.. so i got them daisies instead.. honestly i prefer daisies to carnation.. de petals of carnation seem like a bundle of tissue..

tryin to be artistic w/ de flowers and verryn..

lastly, let's welcome our representative - baby verryn..

wishin all mothers a HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

P/S: fyi.. photos are taken w/ my new hp - LG viewty.. clear hor? *lolZ*

Tender of Resignation

2008-04-29T10:27:00.005+08:00

it was with much determination to leave this comfort zone of mine - the place where i have been nesting for the past 3.5 years.

i tendered yesterday but was rather surprised at my behavior towards different superiors.

i seriously thought i would cry in front of each of them, but i didnt. in fact i didnt wail at all. *lolZ*
to my young boss, corner of my eyes got watery and i refused to sit down properly and talked about this matter. i was afraid to face him for a minute more coz i know i will end up weeping. so the matter rested rather quickly and he said he will talk to me again.

to my asst mgr, i was casual and told her in an objective way. i hid nothing and said nothing that i thought is wrong of me to do so.

to my big boss, i can feel myself fighting internally; to prove to him that i am totally fine leaving here coz i want to see the outside world. he probed me a few times on whether there is an issue / problem, other than seeking a better career prospect. and each time, my answer was a FIRM NO. this is the least i can do to protect my colleagues, to prevent their reputation from getting tarnished further. and even if it did, i am well aware that i was not the cause of it.

but somehow, people refused to believe tat i was in fact seeking a better prospect and no matter how i tried to explain, people said, "you have already prepared a script to countershoot all possible questions boss may throw you with. so is no point for me to hog onto this matter and get you to say the true reason.. your explanations are already flawless."

well.. it hurts.. but it set me pondering. haf i become a double-masked person? spilt personality? or is it just that people are unable to see me clearly? i thought i can be flipped like a book.

"if your real reason is to leave with a better prospect, why are you so determined to leave this place without finding yourself a job initially?"

yes, this i admit. i was intending to leave 1st without a job, with reasons as follow:
- i went for a few interviews and most of them are unwilling to wait for a month. they need someone in urgently.
- i do not want to rush myself coz i know what i am looking for in my next job. i want to get it right and not waste my time in a company.
- i know myself. i am the kind who needs to be pushed. so by forcing myself out of the comfort zone, i will see myself reaching to my goals.
- i want to REST.
- i dont want to wash off all my past sayings. so yes, it may just be part of the reason - i do not enjoy working here anymore. i dont like office jobs initially but i stay put here for 3.5years. hence, this place should already deemed as a rather heavenly place. but as you know, everything comes with imperfection - places, tangible items, person, etc.

if i had really wanted to leave simply due to unhappiness at work, i can jolly well find another admin job or watsoeva job that comes by, instead of sticking to my principles. as long as any employer is willing to offer me a position, i will leave.. so as to save all explanations and hassle. but i didnt. i am willing to explain on ALL i have cited above to leave, i am willing to serve 2 months' notice, so long as i can leave.. coz my eventual priority is to force myself out of the comfort zone.

so many times, when people tell me not to leave, etc.. i feel like saying, "ok, i will stay."
when Lee Lee turned a tad worried and said will we end up as 'strangers' one day coz you are not here anymore, i feel like saying, "ok, i will stay."

i struggled with my mixed emotions and steer clear of all they said. i dont not want to get myself emotional and decided to stay on, which is not doing me good. i am not young anymore, i always thought. but my surroundings said i am still very young.. no, i am not. after analysing all my future plans, i am indeed not young anymore. to start off with a career of your wish at the age of 24, i will reach my goal at a later stage than the others who got themselves right since the beginning. and my goal is?

TO EARN LOTS OF MONEY!! *lolZ* even though i may be abit attitude towards my family, but i do have plans in bringing at least my parents out for a holiday. the kind of holiday whereby they do not need to spend money and they are going there by plane. hehe! hongkong is the 1st priority though.

anyway, i am unsure if people are able to see a clearer picture of me, for i have lost myself to the world.. or is it ME, the one who is denying and trying to save myself a nice image/impression (if any).

but i didnt.

and i wonder who will believe me and this entry?

my 'L'

2008-04-27T23:50:00.003+08:00

when i 1st saw de 'L' hp chain hangin on yanying's hp.. i was JEALOUS. i dun feel jealous abt ppl wearin branded, carryin branded or watsoeva.. but tis hp chain reli bothers me and i was kinda upset tat i didnt haf 1 lidat..

then last Thurs, yanying suddenly removed her 'L' hp chain in front of me and handed it to me. she explained tat she actually bought 2 and 1 was for me but her y.bro took it.. so she had no choice.. and asked me if i mind de 1 hangin on her hp for 1 wk.. well, i was reli touched by her move.. i saw halo ring above her head. even though she did say tat de hpchain worth only HKD18.. but look~ who cares abt de price?? *lolZ* call me cheapskate but i dun mind it bein 2nd hand.. coz i seriously like it alot. haha!! so rite now~ it belongs to me!!!!!!!!!!!

so as i was snappin MY 'L' hpchain, i decided i shld get yanying a new hpchain in replacement for de 1 tat she gave up to me. and here is wat i got for her..

i seriously think is cute and sweet, can?? haha! not cheap lor.. but then again, who cares abt de price? at least i think tis is a decent replacement.. i dun buy for de sake of buyin.. *lolZ*

and lastly, if u wonder abt de last pic of tis entry.. i wonder is hpchains in trend rite now? ev1 seem to be IN hpchains? my frenz got tis for me and said there is a resemblance of me and her.. :S

have a happy weekend~!

2008-04-18T18:11:00.002+08:00

ya, i cant think of a title for tis entry.. so sincerely wishin ppl out there to enjoy their weekend.. OMGZ~ my 1st wkend after exams.. tis wk seem to pass slow.. maybe coz im enjoyin every precious second of my so-called hols. *lolZ*

exam finished on Monday (14 Apr) and sch is starting nxt Tuesday (22 Apr)~!! im complainin again.. haha! every 3 mths after my exams, im lamentin on de hols tat seem almost non-existable (is there such a word huhz?)

promise myself to Zzz early everynite but i simply cant bear to do so. i dun wana waste my time Zzzin eh.. *lolZ*

juz another 3 more mths and my adv dip will be completed. hope im not receivin false info abt havin my final proj w/ tat 2 modules. else is gng to drag for another 3 mths.. *faintZ*

wana go for my degree course (ya, finally) but im super lack of $$~~ so rite now, i guess tis is de matter tat troubles me most. prolly i will gif myself 1 yr's time to raise de $$.. hmm~ any1 in need of part-timers?? *lolZ*

im in fact lookin forward to wrkin part time if my time permits me to. haha! to see how far i can go, how durable im towards hardship.. and most imptly, how much $$ i will be able to save!!

time's up for my movie later~ muahahaha!! ANDY LAU, here i come!! *fly off*

卸下勇敢

2008-04-17T12:08:00.001+08:00

昨天，我好希望时间快过；希望今天的来临。重新的一天，我以为我会好些。

但并没有。

今天，我还是很伤。。心似被碾过；每一个心跳都是沉重的。

原本自信的我，认定了人生的路途；以为只要这样地冲下去，必定能往我的前途迈进。难道我错了吗？还是人生就是这么的波折？

被人讽刺，羞辱。。或许还算不上是波折；但这毕竟奚落了我的决心，粉碎了我的斗志。难道美好风景，从来就不属于我？还是我从来就不属于它？

现在的我，失去了自信、斗志、决心。。还有。。方向。

以前，我过一天算一天。朋友问我，要不要去读书。我拒绝得很干脆。

在我还没想清楚自己要什么之前，我什么都不应该做。如果这辈子我都无法想到，那就让我这样浪费人生吧。终究会化成灰，何必太在乎呢?

但，在某一天，我突然开窍了。我突然领悟自己要什么，想做什么。于是，我开始追寻我的人生目标。我报名读书；每一堂课都是通往我目标的沙粒，每一份成绩都是我为我目标累积下来的心血。我是一个按部就班的人，我不会捷径。我深信有个基础很重要，所以我在努力。努力想改变现在、努力地不让自己的勇敢有任何退缩的机会。

但，可以不要这么勇敢吗？可以不要这么地故作坚强吗？就连昨天的崩溃，我还得躲到没人的客厅。。因为不想让任何人担心；因为在父母眼里，我从来就不是一个会令他们担心的女儿。

三年半的人生，被一个局外人说得我好像跟白活了没两样。
局外人，是搞不懂状况。。还是看得更清楚？

我真的白活了吗？

my tekong brother

2008-04-03T21:08:00.004+08:00

juz finished my biz stats paper today.. so BY RIGHT, i shld reli start myself on biz laws for tis comin tues.. why m i here?!! coz im gng BY LEFT.. *cold*

while on my way to sch tis mornie, i suddenly ~~missed~~ thot of my y.bro..

tekong has since become his 1st home.. since he stays in 5 days a week..

vivid memories suddenly overwhelmed me as i recalled ..

.. how he had got his forehead bleedin coz we were playin catchin at home and i dunno why~ but he literally fell frm de bed and cut his forehead on de side of de toilet door. tat scar is damn noticeable now tat he is currently BOTAK. *evil laugh*

.. how ashamed i was to face my classmates when he actually got called up to stand on de hall stage coz he had been tokin to his classmates. ppl ard me were liked, "hey, is tat ur y.bro?".. he was only in pri 1..

.. how i had volunteered to be his recess buddy and readin period buddy, so tat he cldnt escape frm my clutches.. but without fail, every readin period became a 'catching' session for me..

.. how overjoyed i was to noe tat he cld get into Express stream, his PSLE result was 205, perfect hit on de Express course for Secondary.. i rem i was in de classroom with him and his classmates.. he was of coz very happy as well, coz he won himself a Gameboy Color. :\

of coz, memories dun end there.. there are so much abt my y.bro and i reli thank God for bestowing him to tis family. he has always been quietly carrying out 'instructions', avoiding arguments.. and doing things for us.

unlike my elder bro, who rambled on and on abt his NS life when he 1st got enlisted, my y.bro hooked on net, warcraft and frenz.. is only when i asked abt his life then he started feedin us with details.

is he not bonded with de family? definitely not. he is juz de kind who spks little.. how many words can he say when he got brother who talk like machine gun and sister, spoilt tape recorder?? *lolZ*

i miss my young bro..

i was UNFORTUNATELY cropped off in de above pic, coz i looked hideous then. *lolZ*

P/S: when he 1st stepped into tekong, he mentioned abt seein de tekong sunrise i told him yrs ago.. and here is my tekong sunrise.. :)

All About L. Lawliet

2008-03-06T00:07:00.007+08:00

I noe im kinda late for reviewin tis movie but HEY! im not here to review on tis movie anyway. *lolZ*

anyway, had prevly watched Death Note I & II, so of coz i wont miss out tis spin-off esp when i reli fall in love w/ L.. haha!

cant help thinkin how nice it wld be to haf L as my boyfrenz.. i mean, he is reli cute la.. and intelligent.. but snappin back to reality.. he dun look tat cute afterall.. in fact kinda gloomy huhz~

puttin aside all his make up.. dark eye shadows, white face.. he looks GOOD~ but still gloomy huhz.. *lolZ*
i esp like de mole on de rite side of his nose.. psycho me~~ haha! i thot it was all part of de make up until i 'research' on his pics and realize.. he has it in real life as well~ interestin..

L looks simply CUTE in specs.. geek!! i love geeks!!

but of coz.. who wld be able to accept havin her bf lookin at everytime like this?? (refer below pic).. ghastly~~ >_<

now, is time for review. haha!

even though i think de initial start of de movie was nth but craps coz u can see is reli craps tryin to link it up w/ Death Note II, makin no sense like wat Naomi is doin.. and briefin across Watari's death.. then all other alphabets comin out like K & F.. and 1 FBI poppin outta nowhere.. but still, they made L's hse to be real good and ya~ love him w/ all de candies and donuts.. *lolZ* his expression in de movie is reli gd.. at least i think he acted out L. Lawliet flawlessly. i kinda wonder if he is livin in L's world now.. *lolZ* de story flows w/o much suspense.. u dun get a chance to ponder wazz gng to happen nxt, unlike Death Note I and II, which kinda allows u to participate in de movie itself. in L Change The World, we are reli audience sittin in front of de screen and watchin it happen~

i wish DeathNote could actually contd in many series, so tat i can keep watchin L. Lawliet.. but is impossible, i guess.. he is supposedly dead.. :)

旧爱还是最美？

2008-03-02T21:38:00.001+08:00

那天和朋友闲聊。。说起什么旧爱还是最美的话题。。忙着‘酸笑’别人的我，突然被问道：“那你的旧爱美吗？”

“不美”

“真的吗？为什么不美？”

“一点都不美。。”

接着，我便一言不发。。因为不想重复、不想去说什么。。既然不美，干嘛还问啊~？如果我真回答了。。是有想要博取同情吗?

没有。。

是想回忆什么吗??

也没有。。

那。。我实在找不到回答的理由。。

之后。。我想, 但我没后悔过啊~ 既然不美, 为什么.. 我不后悔呢?

美不美, 和后悔与否.. 原来。。不一样..

可能，会有人因为受过苦.. 而后悔自己的决定。但我太固执了。是我决定的，我就不会后悔。就算不美，也是自己的决定.. 不是吗? 难道自己的决定，都一定会带来美好的回忆吗?? 大家都这么希望，但不是都会如愿啊。。

老天爷已经对我很好了.. 好多时候，我不需要决定.. 只要默默地许个愿，都会成真哦～～(^_^)~V

人生不如意的事十之八九；不美好的，我会从中学习。。何必为自己的决定后悔，而苦了自己呢?

所以啊。。旧爱不美。。无伤大雅啦～

~ WITCH

原谅

好久了。。

什么都没有

在乎谁比较多

my new job

farewell Moya~

this familiar sentence..

伤害

如果可以的话

a happier me then

郑中基 - 答应不爱你

that same damn feeling

totally different yet similar

i never know..

The Feeling That Triggers..

叮噹 - 你為什麼說謊

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR~!!

疤痕

tis is so random

happy new year!!

my 1st branded

what the hell is UniSIM thinking?

就别太早认定啦~！

you are a damn *******

Vaughn's 1st Birthday

Year 2010 Calendar

张韶涵 - 偶尔

曾经

Thanks Darling

不喜欢这种人

Get Your Wish Crystal Today!!

strictly for happy news only

a new watch

ridiculous

my new workplace

the black couple

one month one posting

recent updates

Fish Spa + Prawning

Whimsy!!

a better tomorrow

Resignation

Combination of Blogs / 部落的合并案

Schemes for Thoughts

没有人是一个人的

Grandma Birthday

Fishing @ Changi

my desk

文章： 婚礼和葬礼

文章： 你想我知道的

me Me ME~~!!

the bus broke down!

歌：黄靖伦 - 缺席

wat have i been up to?

不安的情绪

歌：方炯镔 - 坏人

happy cny~!!!

unforgettable birthday 2009

文章：当朋友变成情人

merry xmas!!

我 == 安静

take care

DENTIST~!!

niCe bridGe

tired tired~~

我生病了

part time!!

歌：阿杜 - 活过

all in a day!!

亲爱的朋友

歌：萧敬腾 - 原谅我

歌：张栋梁 - 不甘示弱

ANDY LAU~!! HERE I COME~!!

这是成长

i am loved, and i should be thankful..

black Monday

努力再努力

recent updates

还在学着放下。。

文章：婚礼和葬礼

文章：你想我知道的